Wednesday, December 12, 2012

adjustment period

i knew there would be an adjustment period with my moving to Canada.  i knew i was the Step mother that would take some of their Father's attention away from them to make room for me.  i did not think it would be easy for anyone involved.  And, for the most part, relations with the kids have been developing steadily.

But some days have me feeling like an intruder.  An outsider.  The new girl in school that wants to fit in. 

I mean, just because their Father loves me and wants to spend the rest of His life with me, does not mean the children have to love me and have a relationship with me.  It would be ideal, but it is something that i cannot force.  His son has accepted me much more than His daughter at this point.  Neither of them are mean to me, but i do sometimes feel like i am in the way of the life they were living.

My hope is that i can affect their lives in a positive way by setting a good example in front of them.  i am human and have emotions though, so there are times when i am sensitive and/or get frustrated with situations just like the next person.  The kids have these feelings too.  Dealing with all of it is not easy, but i hope that time will allow the kids to see that i care about their well-being and happiness.

Being their Step mom does not mean i will ever feel like a mom or that they will see me as a parent, but i hope in time, they will see me as family and truly love me for me.  

Today i do not feel it, today i am a little sad...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

LDR's - They can work!

A question was posted on Fetlife that asked for ways to maintain a D/s or M/s LDR - i thought i would repost my response here, in case it helps someone who reads my blogs:

SirW and i started as a LDR...We weren't even in the same country.  We were lucky to skype nearly every night - this is where He trained me as His submissive.  Aside from the training every night, He gave me instructions, tasks, rituals and assignments on a daily basis.  His active Dominance kept Him on my mind and me feeling completely submissive, even thousands of miles apart.  BUT...Trust is crucial.  The basic pillars must be upheld in order for any LDR to work.

So, what are some of the things that i was expected to do?

Morning ritual (this varied from day to day, from sitting on my knees in front of a mirror, looking at myself and appreciating what SirW sees in me.  His vision of me was amazing and i started to see it after a while - it wasn't that i had low self esteem, but what i considered to be flaws, He saw as beautiful imperfections that made me perfect for Him.  Some days, He would have me read (a book of His choice, usually BDSM related).  Some days, He would have me play and release before work.  What ever the morning ritual was, i looked forward to it, as it made me feel closer to Him than We actually were.

Each day, i was given 3 words to be used in 3 different sentences with 3 different people (without them knowing).  This was a challenge that i enjoyed.  At the end of each day, i would email Him my Word Task Report (WTR).  He enjoyed reading them and made Him feel closer to me and what my day entailed.

As mentioned, We skyped nearly every night.  We would talk about Our day, listen to music, read a book to each other, play online scrabble (We also played World of Warcraft together) and We trained.  Training was sometimes my roping myself with His instructions, nipple torture, playing with myself and practicing orgasm control.  Sometimes, We would face the camera toward the kitchen, prepare a meal at the same time and then get dressed, light candles and have a romantic dinner together.  We even clinked the computer screen to toast with Our wine glasses (lol).
During the day (at work), i wold get surprise text messages that would tell me to clamp or play for 10 minutes...i loved these surprises: they made my day.

We did all this for a whole 2 months before We ever met in Our first meeting, We were so comfortable with each other that Our actual union was out of this world.

After 6 months, He collared me as His submissive.  A year later, after skyping nightly, meeting every few months or so, i moved to Canada and on Our 1 year collaring ceremony, We got married and now live harmoniously as Dom/sub, as well as Husband and wife and are very happy :)

i am so alive!!!

As i drifted off to sleep last night, a million things ran through my head (as usual).  Thoughts of a snowy-white Christmas, the New Year, all that had happened over the last couple of life has changed so much!  One of the final thoughts before i fall asleep is how happy i am right here, right now...a sense of deep appreciation washes over me and i sleep.

The next sound i hear is the alarm and i am disappointed because i was having a very action-packed vivid dream about racing to the site of a concert...can't recall which concert, but it was in Vegas and i had great seats at the top of a new hotel and i was having trouble getting there and when it seemed i was about to make it, the alarm went off - lol, figures :)

i finally get up and make my way downstairs to make coffee and, again, a deep sense of gratitude hits me - i feel it warm me from my face to my toes and feel like doing cartwheels (but i don't). 

Some say the newlywed phase fades after time...all i know is that i have felt the butterflies every time i even think about SirW over the past couple of years.  When i actually see Him, my body becomes weak and His cunt twitches with excitement!  i cannot help it :)  Of course, there are kids in the house, so i don't jump Him, but i love that i really want to...i have a sexual stimulation that sticks with me every day and i love it!

i did not feel like i was settling when i got married the first time, but i never felt these feelings for my previous husband...i did not know i could feel this way until i met SirW, so i am taken by surprise with these feelings and cherish them every day.

Nothing major to report in this blog, just that i am flooded with true joy that feels like the sun is bursting through every pore of my body - i am so alive!!!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Cause & Effect & D/s

There are times we ask the universe, "Why?" Why did this happen or why hasn''t this happened? The thing about Cause & Effect is that in most cases, we do not see the link from one to the other, so all the things that happen in our lives, while are the result of the past causes we've made, are effects from the past, possibly even a past life (karma chain), if you believe in reincarnation. Since there is no actual proof of what happens to us after we die, many people live there lives differently.

Some live it without guilt and fear of consequences and create negative fortune in their lives and wonder why bad things happen to them. Remember now, Causes are Words, Thoughts and Actions and we might be surprised to know all the negative things people think and do not say, but even if no one hears it, it's a cause.

Some live it by doing the right thing when ever possible, helping others, going above and beyond the norm to make an impact on the world or at least, their immediate environment, making as many good causes as possible. There will always be slip-ups, where negativity manifests its ugly head, but for the most part, people that live this way generally live a peaceful life.

Some live it by making good causes but meet obstacle after obstacle and struggle continuously...why it that? Again, the effects we see now are the result of past causes and for this reason, if someone lives their life creating value every day but are met with adversity, the causes were made in their past life.

Fortunately, we have the opportunity to create value right now, every day, thereby setting up positive effects for our future, as well as future life, if it exists.

Since there is no actual proof of a next existance after this one, we are given the choice of how we want to live. So what feels better? Doing the right thing or the wrong thing? Well, in most cases doing the wrong thing might have immediate gratification, but bad for karma. Doing the right thing might not feel so good up front, but I find that the fortune eventually catches up and beneficial effects are inevitable.

We are not forced to believe in the law of Cause and Effect, nor are we forced to believe in the law of Gravity, but hey...every time I throw and apple up into the air, it falls back down, so I do not need to believe in it, it just existgs as one of the laws of the universe. The same can be said of Cause and Effect.
So if you are one who keeps making good causes and are constantly met with obstacles and struggles, keep on keeping on, for it will catch up!

A friend once told me that when we are standing still, we do not feel the wind as much as when we are moving forward - then the wind (resistance) is felt...but it means we are moving forward, so keep going, never give up hope that your current situation will change. Just as Winter never fails to turn into Spring, your causes will manifest into effects and the fortune built will manifest too. can this be related to BDSM?

My BDSM relationship started out as a in the US, my Dom in Canada. In every relationship, you need to have trust, but when it comes to a D/s LDR, it is up to you to be honest, respectful, trustworthy and obedient. When my Dom set forth His rules for me to follow, i followed them. If i played with myself without asking, i admitted it and asked for punishment, because one of His rules is i will ask first...another is to tell Him when i need to be punished and why. Would He have known if i did not tell Him? No. That is where 'Cause and Effect' comes into play. Just because no one sees a cause - if it is made, an effect is attached to it.

Remember: words, thoughts and actions are all causes. It is very hard to have always have positive words, thoughts and actions because We are human...all We can do it try Our best to say, think and do the right thing.

Keep in mind, when you are faced with a situation where your emotions want to react negatively, you have a choice. The things others do and say is their karma...Our reaction is what will affect Our karma.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Our Lovely Community

i entered this lifestyle about 22 months ago.  i have met people with many different kinks.  There is however, a common thread that connects Us all on a mutual level.  We are people who are brave enough to step outside of the comfort zone box that society tries to place Us in and We support without judging each other.  It's like a kink club that binds Us as a type of family that understands Our alternate life choices.

i for one have had the pleasure to meet loads of people, both in Las Vegas and in Ottawa within Our lifestyle that have encouraged me and allowed me to support them in return.  i have learned so much through my experiences at BDSM clubs, BDSM websites, Adult Toy Stores and human interaction.  i have seen things i never thought i would see and am proud of who i am in this community, as well as in society as a whole.

i have had the great fortune to have been chosen to assist/volunteer for special events and am so grateful for these opportunities.  Not only does it give me a chance to practice my skills, it allows me to learn new things and take the load off those that are put in charge of these events.  i want to encourage more people to reach out to others for opportunities to volunteer within Our community - it is quite rewarding!

Lastly, i wish to thank all those that have been a part of my growth as a submissive.  To my phenomenal Dom, SirW:  i am honoured to serve & love You.  To my fellow submissives, thank you all for sharing your knowledge with me.  To the Dom's and Master's of the community, thank You for all the time and energy You spend being a great Dom/Master to your sub/slave and the rest of the people in the community who have the pleasure of learning and growing because of You.

Thank Y/You A/all for all the things Y/you do to support Our awesome community!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

for no reason...and for every reason

As i sit here alone and in comfort on this beautiful Canadian Autumn morning, i breathe in His scent and look around the room with love in my heart and smile with absolute contentment.  i am where i was destined to be...with Him.  Remembering the days when We first met and the distance they carried between Us have me feeling blessed and overjoyed, for i am finally  home.  i have all that i need in Him and Our world and am bursting at the seems with abundant happiness.  Each day, to wake with Him by my side is a blessing that makes me feel like the richest woman on this Earth.  It occurs to me that i fall in love with Him all over again...for no reason...and for every reason, again and again, every day.  Were the end of days to come tomorrow, i can honestly say that i am fulfilled. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

A Little Lost

i lost control yesterday and yelled at the kids...sometimes i hate being human!

Without going into too much detail, i have been struggling with my health now for quite some time.  From allergies to Eczema to double pink eye and various other issues that have me feeling less than comfortable in my own skin.  i've tried really hard to maintain control of my emotions, but find it nearly impossible to contain, but i am determined to overcome all obstacles that present themselves.  i feel like i am being tested and know that i can win or lose the small and/or big battles i face on a daily basis.  i choose to win!  i will break through the health karma i am experiencing and emerge a victor!

BUT, yesterday i came home to a filthy kitchen and lost child did empty the dishwasher, but neither of them cleaned up the dishes.  Now i must say that the children are suppose to clean up after themselves and most of the dishes were created by me and SirW the night before...Master said to leave it for the kids to do.  Not only were Our dishes there, but one child decided that since We left Our mess, she was not going to clean her mess either.  Being sick and exhausted from my health issues, i was so irritated by this.  Normally, i would just ask one of them to do the dishes and they would sigh and get to it, but today i lost control and yelled, stating that it was inconsiderate and bitched (swearing like a sailor).

i broke down in silent tears as i angrily cleaned the kitchen then went for a walk to release tension.  It was only a few minutes after i started walking when SirW called to have me pick Him up from being around the corner, so i turned around...i noticed the kids leaving the house and learned later that they texted their Dad to let Him know that they would be staying at their Mom's house that night. 

SirW calmed me down, but i am disappointed with myself for losing control.  i have no idea how the children will behave when they make their way back to Our house.  SirW said i had every right to get upset and should not feel bad about getting mad with them, but i cannot stop thinking about how it could undo all the good things i have done for the kids.  This is my first experience in a parental role and feel like i am not doing it very well.  i don't know if i should apologize for losing control or to let things be and take their natural course, so until i feel like i know what to do, i will just wait and play it by ear when i see the kids again.

i feel a little lost and broken, so i am going to go pray (chant) now...that usually calms me down and allows me to get a grip ~smiles~

Thursday, October 4, 2012

His sacrifice

A couple of days ago, the bratty side of me reared its head...there is good humor and bad humor and when it disrespects my Master (joking or not), it is bad.  Thankfully, i can always count on my Master to bring me back to obedience ~smiles sweetly~

Here's what happened:

SirW and i were outside relaxing with some wine and chatting about various things when the subject of water came up.  The kind of water that sits on a cooler and it very heavy to pick up and load when you get a new/full one.  He told me to take His son with me to the store to handle the water.  i stated that if i did not have a couple of bad discs in my lower back, i would be able to lift the water by myself, but He insisted that He would not allow me to do that...that's when i sassed Him and said something like, "Well...You would not know about it because the water would be there and there would be no mention of how it got there.  Just kidding!

He did not particularly like that, but He knew i was just kidding...He said nothing.  Sometimes, things like that sit with me (and perhaps Him - i am not sure) and eat at me.  This is probably due to one of His rules, which says, "i will tell my Dom when i need to be punished and why."  Yesterday, i went up to SirW and told Him i needed to be punished.  He asked me why, so i told Him it was because i sassed Him about the water bottle.  He told me that it did not require punishment, but it would be dealt with in the form of a correction.

Last night came and He told me to come up with the correction.  In the past, SirW's corrections are always clever and are related to the crime, if you will and always teach me a lesson.  i tried to think of something that would be fitting the crime, but was at a loss.  He said either i come up with it, or He will and double the correction, but alas i could not think straight, so He came up with the correction(s) Himself:  For the following morning, i was not allowed to bring His coffee to His nightstand prior to Him wakening, nor was i allowed to touch/caress His back like i love doing to wake Him gently.

Wow...the sacrifice He makes in order to train me is amazing...He takes away something that He likes, which just kills me inside.  The lights were off by that time, so i felt safe to cry silent tears, when He said, "No tears kitten."  So, i swallowed them back and drifted off to sleep, as did He.

Morning came all to abruptly and, as usual, i got out of bed and went downstairs to make the coffee, but i did not bring a cup up for Him and i felt so sad that He would wake up and not have it.  i climbed into bed and waited for His alarm to sound off, and when it did and i was not permitted to touch His back, i felt a knot in my stomach...the denial of these things really hurt me and touched me at the same time, for i knew it was for my growth as His submissive.  For this reason, i am grateful to Him. 

Sir, thank You for hurting me, Sir...i feel the sacrifice You made in order to help me grow ~smiles with bright eyes~

Training is an ongoing part of Our lives.  As His submissive, i am thankful for the opportunity to learn and grow.  These things help me know myself more than i would otherwise and self-realization can be very profound and eye-opening. 

One of my favorite Buddhist terms is, "HoNimMyo" - this means from this moment onward.  When ever i have a punishment or correction, i view it as an opportunity to be the person i want to be from that moment on.  i do not look back and dwell, for i know these things, which sometimes hurt me, are what will make me perfect (for Him).  It's like a famous quote i love by C. S. Lewis:

"We are like blocks of stone, out of which the sculptor carves the forms of men.  The blows of His chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect."

Sir...on this day, i kneel before You and freely submit to You in all ways.  i thank You for all past days You've accepted my submission and for loving me so completely.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

i am His (Itchy Bitch)

While there are things happening in my life i am not happy about and or will change in time, they are all overshadowed by the more important fact that i am His.  i am human...i am real and have ups and downs just like the next person, but i am comforted in so many ups are twice as fantastic and my downs are half as bad. 

OK, so what are the things that are bothering me? 

Well...since i moved to Canada, my allergies have been out of control.  My eyes are very itchy, red and watery, even with allergy medicine, which usually makes me drowsy (even when it says non-drowsy). 

My Eczema has resurfaced on my fingers, making it difficult to complete day-to-day tasks, as well as tasks assigned by my Master.  My fingers are raw, cracking and bleeding in some is a tad painful and looks disgusting, making me feel less attractive and want to hide my hands behind my back or by wearing gloves (A seperate post called, "The Girl with the White Gloves" is in my alternate blog "White Picket Fence Girl").

About a week ago, i got another yeast infection (i am starting to think i have "Itchy Karma") *giggles*

So, summing it up, i have itchy eyes, fingers and pussy...just writing that made me laugh, but it is no laughing makes me upset, for i cannot perform the way i like to and am capable of.  It's not just about not having sex with SirW (He will use His other avenues if/when He sees fit to), but the connection i feel when We are intimate is lacking for me a little and i miss it. 

While i am left feeling inadequate and unable to give Him my best 'service', if you will, He has shown me a lot of compassion - i am grateful to have such a kind and patient Dom/Husband/Lover/Friend.  i am so lucky to get all i need from my One and that is why it hurts to not be able to be all things He needs while my health continues to be an issue.

i realize these things are temporary and will change, so i am not allowing it to consume me or make room for depression.  i am using my energy to complete the tasks i can and accept the fact that i have some temporary limits and that it in no way makes me less of a good submissive to Him.  He knows in my heart, i want what He please Him in all ways and when my health allows, i will resume with all the things i am having a challenge with currently, so it's all good.

As i have said in the past, most of my posts will be positive and hopefully inspiring, but when i have issues, i am still going to share them with you because it is a part of who i am...i am His.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Morning Rituals

*stretches & leans over to turn the alarm off*

As i pull on my sweats, i take a look at my sleeping's dark in the room, so all i can see is a form in Our bed, but it makes me smile, for i know that my Master is under those covers.  i feel my morning surge of horniness, but know i have things that need to be done before i can even think of crawling back into bed...

To the washroom i go to lay out Master's toiletries (electric razor on the left, manual razor in the middle and His toothbrush on the right, with the shaving cream behind the manual razor), then i head downstairs, where i grab some butterfly lights (they glow with beautiful bright colors that change every few seconds) and place them all around for visual stimulation (at the bottom of the stairs, on the fireplace mantle, on the hallway shelf...all leading toward the living room, then the dining room and finally to the kitchen...

i make a pot of coffee, grab my laptop, place it on the dining room table and play a Medley of Japanese Meditation Music very softly with the pictures opened to full screen for added visual when entering the dining room.  As i wait for the coffee to be ready, i straighten up the living room and dining room, making sure everything is in its place (according to me anyway ~giggles~).  i spritz some air freshener (ocean breeze) in each room, so it smells sweet, but not too overpowering (just a hint of flowers at the beach)...

Then, with a mug of hot black coffee, i head back upstairs to Our bedroom, quietly place the coffee on His nightstand, remove my clothing and crawl back into bed to cuddle.  His alarm goes off (30 minutes after mine) and He hits the snooze button.  That's when i begin the soft scratches and tickles all over His body.  This is my happy place, for there is no distraction of dogs or teenagers...just Our naked bodies in a quiet serenity.  i kiss His shoulder blades and breathe in His scent and i feel intoxicated...

He hits the snooze button a few more times until He is ready to emerge from His peaceful slumber and comfort of my moving hands on His body and reaches for His coffee.  After a few sips, We put on some casual house clothes and wander downstairs.  He is in front of me, so i cannot see His facial expressions as He passes by the glowing butterflies on the stairs and through the other rooms, when the soft hint of music and fresh scents permeate Our senses...

He sits on the breakfast bar and begins to look through His phone at various social medias and world news, as i lay an apples and cinnamon nutri-bar on the counter, which He grabs and noshes makes me smile.  We talk about upcoming events and trivial things that pop into Our minds and He eventually grabs His house book to write down the day's assignments and tasks for me to complete while He is away and excitement fills my heart, as i get to do what He wants me to do, making me feel all tingly and submissive...

i begin to make lunch for Him and Our 16 year old son.  i have not been asked to do this, but it gives me great joy to know that they will be eating well and i take care in what i put in they lunch bags too...yummy sandwiches, a Tupperware filled with some previously made pasta (shells, tuna, peas and light mayo), some chips, some cut up carrots and celery, a baggy of dill pickles and a couple of His favorite chocolate devil cookies *grins*

Before they leave, i fill a to-go cup of coffee for my Master to take with Him, receive tons of sweet kisses and hugs and after a piercing look into my eyes, which says a lot, they leave...

After i close the door, i put the dogs outside on a long leash, walk to the kitchen, grab the house book to see what my day entails *claps* and grab the laptop to go through my social medias, including the writing of this blog...

Typical day for me and i love every minute of it!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

The kiss

There i was, in a crowded airport with loudness from people coming and going, the ringing of the slot machines and announcements from the airlines and security...i could barely hear myself think!  As i paced back and forth waiting to see His face in person for the first time, my heart beat felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.  My palms were sweaty and my knees were shaky, for not only had i been waiting for this moment for 2 months now, i had been waiting for this moment all my life....

Then i saw Him and time seemed to stand still as the escalator slowly carried Him down to my level.  Strangely, the noise all around me seemed to have disappear as He got closer and closer.  Our eyes met and locked onto each other and created a tunnel-vision where the hundreds of people in between and all around Us became a muffled nonexistent hush, until finally He was within close range...

He dropped His luggage, cupped my face in His hands and gently said, " does not do you are so beautiful!"  With that, He slowly moved His lips towards mine until Our faces melted into each other.  His fingers moved through my hair towards the base of my scalp and clenched a fistful, taking control of my head, pushing me deeper into His mouth.  His tongue invaded me so desperately and instantly, i was His possession...

The kiss lasted for what seemed an eternity, as though no one else existed...i knew i was wet with passion and yearned to be alone with Him, but that would have to wait, as We were not alone.  In fact, He had two other soldiers that accompanied Him to the desert for a military seminar.  He introduced the others to me and it was difficult to take Our eyes off each other.  We both yearned to be with each other...i was desperate to have Him inside me, to taste Him, to feel Him take possession of me, every inch of me, but for now, the kiss would just have to be enough...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Ten Worlds

Most days are filled with joy.  Joy to be alive and have the ability to make a difference in the lives of those around me.  Joy in finding the love of my life.  Joy for the freedom to be myself everyday and so many other wonderful things in my life that i am grateful for.  i am generally a very happy person...i have even been told i am too happy a couple of times and to tone it down, but i realized that my happiness (or light, if you will) if too bright can make the darkness that some feel, feel even darker. 

There are, of course, things in my life that are not perfect, so i work on weight for example.  i try not to let things get me down, but some days i am not successful and i allow myself to be brought down.  i call these days, "Dark Days."

i was raised a Buddhist and believe that Heaven and Hell are places that exist within us, not an external place you go to after you die.  There are also many states of life that one can feel in between Heaven and Hell as well and i do my best to rise above my fundamental darkness and negativity, but occasionally, i lose sight of all that is good in my life and the light seems to fade from within me...Dark Days.

To give you a better idea of the different life conditions we all have within us, the following are what is known as the "Ten Worlds"

Hell: A state of suffering and despair in which we perceive we have no freedom of action. It is characterized by the impulse to destroy ourselves and everything around us.
Hunger: The state of being controlled by insatiable desire for money, power, status etc. While desires are inherent in any of the Ten Worlds, in this state we are at the mercy of our cravings and cannot control them.
Animality: In this state, we are ruled by instinct with neither reason nor moral sense nor the ability to make long-range judgments. We operate by the law of the jungle and will not hesitate to take advantage of those weaker than ourselves and fawn on those who are stronger.
Anger: Here, awareness of ego emerges, but it is a selfish, greedy, distorted ego, determined to best others at all costs and seeing everything as a potential threat to itself. In this state we value only ourselves and tend to hold others in contempt.
Humanity: (also called Tranquility): This is a flat, passive state of life, from which we can easily shift into the lower four worlds. While we may generally behave in a humane fashion in this state, we are highly vulnerable to strong external influences.
Heaven: (or Rapture): This is a state of intense joy stemming, for example, from the fulfillment of some desire, a sense of physical well-being, or inner contentment. Though intense, the joy experienced in this state is short-lived and also vulnerable to external influences.
Learning: In this state, we seek the truth through studying the teachings or experience of others.
Realization: In this state we seek the truth not through others' teachings but through our own direct perception of the world.
Having realized the impermanence of things, people in these states have won a measure of independence and are no longer prisoner to their own reactions as in the six paths. However, they often tend to be contemptuous of people in the six paths who have not yet reached this understanding. In addition, their search for truth is primarily self-oriented, so there is a great potential for egotism in these two states.
Bodhisattva: Bodhisattvas are those who aspire to achieve enlightenment and at the same time are equally determined to enable all other beings to do the same. Conscious of the bonds that link us to all others, in this state we realize that any happiness we alone enjoy is incomplete, and we devote ourselves to alleviating others' suffering. Those in this state find their greatest satisfaction in altruistic behavior.
Buddhahood: Buddhahood is a dynamic state that is difficult to describe. We can partially describe it as a state of perfect freedom, in which we are enlightened to the ultimate truth of life. It is characterized by infinite compassion and boundless wisdom. In this state, we can resolve harmoniously what appear from the standpoint of the nine worlds to be insoluble contradictions. A Buddhist sutra describes the attributes of the Buddha's life as a true self, perfect freedom from karmic bonds throughout eternity, a life purified of illusion, and absolute happiness.

Anyway, when i have a Dark Day, it's like waking up on the wrong side of the bed and you can't figure out why.  Most days, i wake up feeling like a lion ready to take o my day and overcome any obstacles that come my way.  Thankfully, my Dark Days are far and few between and typically only last one day, so i am going to go to bed now and wake to a new day and another chance to manifest the best of me.

i feel a little better having this off my chest...attempts a smile :)


Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Little Things

Today, i want to talk about how much joy i get from taking care of SirW.  Yes, while He is my Dom and takes care of me completely, i am His sub and wife and highly enjoy taking care of His wishes, needs and desires.
My joy is slightly neurotic at times, i admit, but my need to please my Master justifies my going a tad overboard...for example: In the mornings, one of my tasks is to make coffee and quietly place it on His nightstand.  There are days though, when the coffee may sit because He is not ready to wake up.  When this happens, i will typically replace the coffee on a hourly (and sometimes each 30 minutes) with a new cup and pour the previous coffee back into the coffee pot, so that the coffee He finally picks up is hot and drinkable.
It is my lot in life to provide as much joy and happiness to His/Our world as possible, so everything matters, even and maybe especially the little things...
Update:  The past few months with my Master have been so incredible. We got married, challenges with the children (16 & 18) have been great for me, as it allows me to experience motherhood at the core :) Eczema, well, that is still an ongoing issue, but i am confident that i will triumph over that soon. 
In good health,

Friday, July 27, 2012

Just Married!

Hey G/gang!

i wanted to let Y/you know that We eloped on Tuesday, July 24th, which was the 1 year anniversary of Our collaring ceremony.  It was a simple yet meaningful ceremony at City Hall, which is what We both wanted.  Then, the following day We had a marriage celebration party with all of Our friends.  We had a beautiful cake made in Our colors (Purple and Teal) with white roses all around, a red rose (me) with a Blue Thorn (Him) on top - just perfect with lemon cake and raspberry filling :)  YUMMY!

Our love and development of Our D/s relationship has really taken flight the past 1 1/2 years - i have really enjoyed blogging about a lot of it.  The blogs will evolve a little now that Our relationship is not only not long distance any more, but now that We are married as well - i look forward to telling many more stories of Our life here in this blog, so stay tuned!

Thursday, July 12, 2012


There are times when one sits back and analyzes a situation, so that correct thinking has occurred prior to talking about it, but if you wait too long to communicate it, your imagination may start playing tricks on you.  When it comes to relationships, we tend to not want to bring up an uncomfortable topic to keep things calm/status-quo, not rock the boat and allow ourselves to over analyze and sometimes suffer needlessly. 

One of the greatest aspects of my relationship with SirW is the open door communication policy.  My not knowing about the world of D/s prior to my getting together with Him has made it necessary for Him to explain a lot of things to me that would otherwise (in a vanilla setting) be questionable.  SirW greets every question or concern i have head on and calmly explains things to me without taking offense to the topic and i totally appreciate being able to approach Him with anything/everything.

This has also been applied sexually.  It may seem unromantic to direct your partner in the middle of having sex/making love and perhaps the direction would be better taken prior to or after, but in any case, i feel it's important and very beneficial to communicate to your partner how you like to be your partner how to get you off, what you like touched, the exact way to rub whatever body part does it for you.  If you are turned on by your elbow being pinched *giggles* tell them!

This is especially good in the beginning, when you and your partner are getting to know each other sexually.  Everyone is different.  What one person likes, another may not enjoy, so learn everything you can about your partner and don't be afraid to talk about experimenting.  Nothing should be taboo when it comes to sexual intimacy, no judgement should be passed - if you do not like something, speak up...your partner is not a mind reader and with some loving direction, you can both be fully satisfied if you open up and show each other how your specific body works.

I do not know if there's such a thing as over-communicating, but there are so many moments when communication is lacking.  Nurturing a great relationship takes time and energy, so it's worth all the effort it takes and allows healthy growth in return.

What ever the topic is, you will find that you will typically feel a sense of relief when you get it off your chest and find that you may have worried for nothing or that the other person was thinking the same exact thing. 

No one knows how much time they have on Earth...if you do not communicate unsaid things, you could end up living with regret, so do not hesitate, do yourself a favor and get to it! 

You may never know everything about your partner, nor should you want to...some mystery is always good, but the important things need to be communicated in a timely manner or your imagination will fuck you up! *smiles*  We are our own worst enemy when it comes to our imagination and we do it to ourselves - we torture ourselves in essence - stop it!  Communicate!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

my happiness is His

One of the many benefits of a D/s relationship (for me) is the fact that my Dom is interested in all the aspects of my life.  If there are things i am unhappy with or feel unbalanced, He takes an active role in helping me improve these things.  In other words, my happiness is important to Him, so He makes an effort to ensure my success.  Let me give Y/you a prime example of this:

One of the things that i am not happy with, is my weight.  When i quit smoking cigarettes a few years ago, i gained about 30lbs and have lost and gained weight with various diets like a flippin' yo yo - it has been so frustrating!  i expressed my grief to SirW and asked for His guidance and help.  Yesterday morning, i woke as usual, set out His razor, shaving cream and toothbrush (in the exact order He specified), made coffee and quietly placed it on His nightstand and proceeded to massage His body and eventually ended up with His cock in my mouth (i was given the honor of deciding how to wake Him up each morning, unless He specifies the night before).  Once awake, We make Our way downstairs and read up on the news and catch up on various websites as We drink coffee (and i make His lunch, which is not something He has asked me to do).  Yesterday, however, He reached for a writing book entitled, "SirW's House book for kitten" and began to write.  i was curious, but kept my composure.  When He finished, He told me that He wrote down the days tasks.

Here's what i did yesterday:
  • Between 8am-10am: Put on my ankle and hand weights and walked briskly for one hour.
  • Between 2pm-4pm:  Without weights, walk briskly OR bike ride OR swim for one hour.
  • Twice daily:  walk the dogs for 15 minutes
  • After dinner, a bike ride or swim (with SirW) for one hour
As far as what i eat, i am in charge of that, so i am being very conscientious about eating right.

This is an ongoing task for each day this week, along with a changing daily requests, such as update my blog or read a specific book and practice my D/s positions for 15 minutes.

Doing this is not easy, but because it's a directive from my Dom, i must obey, right? 

Today, i did my hour walk with weights and look forward to the afternoon exercise as well because i know i am obeying my Dom...and in turn, the benefits will become visible after a while.

This is just one example of my Master's active Dominance.  i am so grateful to Him for the care and energy He gives me.  i am an extremely happy submissive, proud to call myself His kitten.  Outside all of this, i am a very satisfied woman, for my Man loves me the way every woman should be loved:  completely.



Thursday, July 5, 2012

Rules, Rituals & Protocols

Now that Master's mom has gone home, and the fact that His children will stay with their mom from time to time, i am able to perform some rituals that Master has requested of me.  The rituals that i already perform (even with a full house) are as follows:

Each morning, i am to lay out on the counter washroom His electric razor, shaving cream, manual razor and toothbrush in a specific order and placement.  Then, i am to quietly place a mug of coffee on His nightstand.  Then, unless He specifies the night before, it's kitten's choice as to exactly how i wake Him day, i sucked His cock awake *giggles* and another day, i scratched and tickled His whole body for 30 minutes until His alarm went off.  Tomorrow, i think i will play with His nipples and watch Him squirm a little *claps excitedly*

Before He leaves for work, i have been making Him a lunch to take with Him - He has not requested this, but it gives me joy to do so and He has not denied my doing it, so it is more of a tradition than a ritual for me.

Master will typically give me a few tasks to complete during my day, so i keep busy and i also have plenty of time to lounge around and/or nap.

When He returns home, i am to be naked and in Surrender position (If the kids are not home of course!).  This position is a lot like feline position, but i am extended out further with my head close to the floor and my arms extended out in front of me.

For bedtime, i am to bathe and prepare all of His openings for use, brush my teeth and grab the hairbrush.  Master enjoys brushing my hair each night and OH, does it feel so good!  It really relaxes me.  Then, while He brushes His teeth, i turn the bedsheets down and climb onto the bench in front of the bed and wait on my knees for Him.  Then, after He climbs into bed, i ask for permission to join Him.  He will either grant it or ask me to complete some last minute tasks.  When i make it into His bed, i can ask if i ma pleasure Him or ask how i may pleasure Him - either way, i look forward to this particular moment, as it means We are intimate with each other.  It really doesn't matter to me exactly what We do - We eventually fall asleep in each other's arms, which is blissful to say the least!

Last night was the weekly Wednesday slosh - it's a vanilla event for the local kinksters to get together and is also a time where polite protocol takes place.  All Doms/Dommes are greeted properly with 'Sir' or "Ma'm'.  i am allowed to pick three things from the menu to each and Master will make the final choice for me.  Some of the slaves that attend wait for permission to eat once the meal arrives - it makes me hesitate a little for Master to give me the 'go ahead and eat' look, even though that is not one of the protocols We have in place.

Tonight, there will be no on home, which means it's DUNGEON NIGHT!  Master has had His eyes on His various whips and will need to satisfy His itchy fingers *grins wickedly*  i am so looking forward to all the things that will take place in Our dungeon tonight!

Tomorrow is BDSM night at the local kink club, so We will have another opportunity to get Our kink on in public.  It also another chance to practice proper protocols with His fellow piers in the community.  While |Master always wants my eyes to look into His, when i meet or address other Dom's, i am to avert my eyes (i admit i have to remind myself of this, as it is something i forget to do most of the time).  Most of the Dom's, after asking permission from Master, like to hive a big hug to say hello, as well as their subs, so it feels like one big family most of the time.

As Y/you can see, Out social calendar is busy and Our home life is beautifully cohesive, which makes for one happy kitten!

kitten is still suffering with allergies...i have seen a regular Dr., as well as a Naturalpath, which is similar to a Homeopath.  None of the things prescribed or suggested have worked very well, so i am just coping with the symptoms for now.  i am hopeful that they will ease up as Fall gets closer, but after We are married (and i am insured), if the allergies are still giving me trouble, i will seek an Allergist for testing and possible shots, so i can end the suffering.  Needless to say, i am sooo looking forward to Fall and Winter.

p.s. the Ginger Root is still on the counter, staring at me every day, taunting me *cackles*

Peace and love to A/all,


Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Good Books & Anal Hooks!

1st of all, HAPPY 4th of July!

i am still having trouble getting through the 3rd installment of the 50 Shades of Grey books, but i actually want to get done with it, so i can move on to something new, so i will keep trying.

Last Saturday, Master and i went to a BDSM club (D & D).  i was excited because it would be one of the 1st opportunities We have had to play a scene and take a break from the vanilla world We have been living.  Ooooh, that sounded bad...the vanilla world We have been living has been wonderful - Master's mother came to visit on the 14th of June (the week after i arrived).  Prior to that, Master's kids have been with Us, making it almost impossible to slip into D/s mode, but all that has still been beautiful, as it has given Us a chance to solidify Our family life.  Master's daughter graduated from High School on Friday (which was the main reason for His mom's visit).  On July 28th, Master took me to Hogs Back River, got down on one knee and proposed marriage - He asked me if i would do Him the honor of becoming His wife, and of course, i said YES!!!  All in all, the past few weeks have been wonderful, all accept for the major allergies i have been experiencing.  i won't go into detail, but i will say that it has been a battle my body has been fighting and will hopefully win soon.  Last Thursday, i attended a local MAsT meeting for subs and slaves to chat in a round-table environment and it was so great!

Now then, back to this past Saturday at the club:

In a building that used to be (and will soon be again) a church (the club is moving out of this building), dozens of people gathered with various potluck dishes (i made fruit salad).  The club had the main floor and a basement floor.  The main floor was where most of the socializing happened, along with a few areas for play.  One Dom topped many subs, one after the other for most of the night and all of it was spectacular to watch!  Later on the stage, a trio of subs were roped together (asses out) to a pole and spanked and flogged for a while - quite amusing!).  Master lead me downstairs to one of the rooms (none of them had doors, so anyone could watch if they chose to).  After i stripped down to my G-string, Master proceeded to use a myriad of tools on me, including but not limited to some whips, floggers, canes, nipple clamps and rope - it was AMAZING!  He is so awesome with all that He does, both physically and mentally - i am such a lucky girl!  Then, He placed nipple clamps with bells on me and paraded me around the main floor and had a few people play with His breasts to hear the jingle *giggles*  He had me do some jumping jacks for one person and it hurt sooooo bad that i cried and had to use breathing techniques to gain control over the pain.  After a couple of hours of stimulating conversations with many different people (Doms, subs, puppys (hehe), TVs, etc.), We left for the evening - WHAT A TOTAL BLAST!!!

On Sunday (Canada Day), We were invited to an animal farm that had a great set up: 3 water quarries to swim in, tons of food and drinks, and acres of grass that has various animals, from Buffalo's and Llamas to baby Ducklings and amazing Peacocks.  Being born and raised with allergies to animals, i had never seen these things in person (only on Television), so it was quite thrilling for me - a fantastic day from beginning to end.

Yesterday, His mother's visit ended and she went back to her hometown.  Last night, when We were ready for bed, i climbed onto the bench in front of the bed and asked for permission to enter His bed.  After He granted that, i asked if He would allow me to pleasure Him, and while He granted that, He was prepared to pleasure me too...during my highly enjoyable cocking sucking, He opened His side drawer and retrieved an ANAL eyes widened as i continued to suck feverishly.  He tied my hair with rope and inserted the Anal Hook into His ass and to my hair and worked me into a tizzy!  Long story-short, We both eeeked out Our orgasms...some of His was aimed at my face and hair, which i absolutely love *giggles*

Tonight is Our weekly Wednesday BDSM slosh at the pub, a gathering of local BDSM friends in a vanilla scene and always awesome!

Friday is another BDSM club (B & B), which is held each 1st and 3rd Friday - this will be my first time here, so i am very excited about it!

Basically, Our social calendar is filled with a nice mix of both vanilla and D/s events and We are B/both loving it!  Aside from that, We are waiting for paperwork to be processed in order to get married (it should take a month or so).  After that, the paperwork to apply for Landed Immigrant status will be filed - this process could take a year (give or take a few months), so until that is complete, i will not be allowed to work.  Master and i are going to sit down and discuss my tasks and responsibilities (vanilla and D/s).

That, in a nutshell is what's happening in my life at the moment and i wouldn't trade it for the world, for being united with Master is a dream come true.  We are so well suited for each other - it's really mind-blowing!

p.s. Master picked up some Ginger Root that has been sitting on the counter, staring at me every day, waiting to be inserted into the body part of His choice and i cannot wait!!!

ciao for now,


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

3 Weeks

This Saturday marks 3 weeks of being with Master - it's the first time We have been together without the thought of one of Us having to leave on Our shoulders and it is quite comforting.  Master took a week off from work, and His mother came down for a visit and will stay until July 3rd.  We have, however, been able to attend the weekly BDSM community sloshes on Wednesdays.  We attended a house play party, where We were able to do a public scene together, which included a very special ending where all the party participants were given permission by Master to welcome me to the community with a welcome spank.  The tears that flowed from me were not from any serious pain, but from the feeling of belonging and acceptance.  This Saturday is a play party at one of the BDSM clubs, where Master and i will get the opportunity to play a scene again - can't wait!

Still no official engagement *pouts*

All in all, my life with Master is more than i imagined...not only do i fall in love with Him anew every day, i have also fallen in love with Canada, my new home.



Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Canadian kitten!

While i am still American and proud of it, i am happy to report that i am now living with SirW in Canada - no more long distance!  i love the weather here versus the desert - what a huge change!  And going to bed and waking up with my Master is so awesome!  The dogs and cats are sooo not used to living together, but i am hopeful that time will allow them to ease into an understanding.  We have the 1st BDSM Slosh tonight, which is every Wednesday (i have been to a couple of them when i visited previously, so many are excited to have me attend with SirW, as am i), but this particular Slosh is the 8th anniversary of the Slosh, so it will be packed and lively!

SirW's kids go back and forth between Our home and their Mother's home, so We have not had much of an opportunity to use the dungeon-err: i mean basement *giggles* and SirW's Mother arrives tomorrow for a 2 week visit, so there probably won't be too many spankings until she's gone, but i did get a nice spanking the other night, followed by some intense love-making *melts at the thought of it all*

Friday is BDSM club night, but i think i am having a Girls Night with Master's daughter and her mom (yes, i get along with Master's ex-wife: she's cool!)

Saturday is a play party at one of Our friends house - so excited!

Without going into too much detail about Masters work, i drooled this morning when He dressed in His combats *wets her panties!*

Anyway, protocols and rituals are being established with vanilla and non-vanilla and i am enjoying being a home maker without working for now - it's the first time i have not worked and it takes some getting used to, but i am finding it peaceful and quiet.  My daytime is spent unpacking my many boxes and putting things away, making sure the house is tidy and today, i am doing some laundry for Master (i love being able to help with domestic things that allow Him to relax and enjoy Himself more *smiles*

That's it for now - just getting settled into my new life with the Love of my life :)


Tuesday, June 5, 2012


O M G!!! 

This Saturday, kitten will be finally be coming home...confused?  It's simple:  home is where the heart is, which means my heart has been in Canada with SirW, so i am finally coming home!  All the things i have been dreaming about are on the horizon!  kitten's life has been a journey with many chapters, but this...THIS is a whole new book!

3 days P/peeps, THREE DAYS!!!!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

So let me guess, you think you want to be submissive?

This post is from JessicaCreature on Fetlife and ws so on point, i had to share it!

So you want to be submissive huh? You've decided it's time to make all your fantasies come true and you're super excited about the thought of being on your knees! Weeeehooooo here we go! This piece is for all the newbie submissives out there....

Newsflash Being submissive is about more than just being on your knees whenever you please. Oh yes, surprising as it may be there is a lot more that you will have to work on. What's that you say, "work on?" Yes bitches, WORK. Something that doesn't seem to register with newbies is the amount of time, energy, dedication, work and money I have already put into being a Dominant/Top/Sadist whatever you want to call it. To start, I have spent years of my own being submissive to learn and experience what it is to be a submissive person, to serve, to submit on a daily basis. Then I have spent hours and hours of my time learning safety precautions and techniques so that I may play with you properly without damaging you. Not to mention the money I have spent in the process getting to/from classes, or the hundreds of dollars worth of toys and instruments I've bought to work my craft. Aside from all this there is the hours of time I have spent reading and thinking about the mental aspect of BDSM to be able to try to be aware of all aspects that I may affect my submissive. And then there is the time that I have spent getting to know you, what you are interested in, scared of, turned off by. The hours of my time it takes driving to see you, explaining the lifestyle to you, preparing you, teaching you, and coming up with a plan of where I'm going to take you and what I'm going to do with you.

And you expect to come and kneel before me and think that you are good to go?

Let me be clear once again about your part in this, as I have been quite clear in what it takes to make my Dominance happen....
  1. This is not just about you- This is not just about you and all the fantasies you want to make come true. I am a real person who has invested my life in this lifestyle, and I am not here to serve you when you feel like it and be pushed aside when you don't. I AM NOT A NOVELTY.
  2. Don't waste my time- I understand that you are on a journey of expanding your sexuality and realizing what you like and don't like but that does not give you the right to waste my time. You had plenty of time to think about what you were doing before you contacted me.
  3. Learn to communicate- That's right, YOU also need to learn something. Surprise Surprise we are not mind readers, nor psychic. Sensitive yes. So yes I do sense there is something amiss with you but no I do not have any idea of what it may be unless you tell me.
  4. Be accountable- If you schedule a playdate with me and I call to check in with you the day before, THAT is the day to tell me your not feeling well and want to reschedule, not the day of play a few hours beforehand when I've already spent over an hour of my time preparing for the session. Respect MY time as I respect yours.
  5. Educate yourself- So that you have a better of idea of what you want to create. So that you keep yourself safe. So that you know that I know what I'm doing. So you have something to offer besides being on your knees. Get out into the community and take some classes that relate to being submissive, find groups for submissives, books to read. Take a cooking class or small massage course, find ways to constantly better yourself.
  6. Be prepared to do something that you don't want to do- Because I will find it. And I will make you do it to prove a point. Because you can do things that you want to do all day long while we play, but until you have done something for me that you don't want to do you have not fully submitted, you have only served yourself in the long run. * * * * *CLARIFICATION FOR #6- I should have know I should have clarified on this as I had a feeling it would be taken the wrong way. I am in NO way talking about pushing or breaking any kind of limit the sub has. What I am referring to is this- A sub usually prefers to do things within their talents and comfort zones, for example, cleaning, cooking and taking pain were one of my sub's comfort zones.......they were very easy tasks for him to do which he enjoyed. That is not to say that I didn't appreciate or enjoy these tasks that he did for me, but they came easily for him and without any internal struggle, or in turn, growth for him as a submissive. At a party I had brought him to I decided I wanted him to dress as a female to amuse my friend whose birthday it was, as she enjoys this particular thing. Now, let me tell you, he did not want to dress in this cute pink dress that I picked out for him, but he did, and putting that dress on triggered all kinds of things for him, he felt insecure, I'm sure a part of him felt a bit angry, he felt a tad humiliated maybe, but I reassured him that it made me happy, and I watched him work through all these feelings, and then release them, and as he gave up his preconceived notions about what he thought of this he surrendered to me, he did it for me because it made him happy to see me happy that he did this for me. By the end of the night he was standing proudly in his little pink outfit, a huge change from his hunched over demeanor when he first put the dress on. I was so proud of him, for I saw him let go and surrender to me, I saw him push through and work through his feelings and expand as a submissive, and this meant more to me than him cooking or cleaning ever will. This is what I mean by "doing something you don't want to do". What you need to remember, is that I HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HAND, I do not want to damage/scar/hurt you, I want to help you grow in your submission.... I want to help you let go so that you can be free..even if for just a short while. I hope that this can help resolve some of the negative feelings that were triggered by #6.....
  7. Work through the feelings that BDSM triggers- As I warned you, BDSM can and will bring up emotional/mental triggers that may make you feel sad, angry, hurt, rejected, confused, guilty, ashamed, is your job to let yourself actually feel these feelings, give yourself the space and acceptance you need to have them, try to work through them, and communicate properly to the proper audience when vocalizing them.....there is plenty of support in the right places, and you are not the only submissive who has felt this way.
  8. Enjoy yourself- This is an organic process in which two people create a moment that exists for only a short amount of time, and will never be duplicated again...each scene is unique unto itself, and precious. Recognize exactly how much time and energy your Dominant has put into making your scene happen and respect that. Realize that your fantasies will not always happen as you expect them to.
  9. Take care of yourself- It is your job to take care of yourself. This means mentally, emotionally and physically. It is your responsibility to show up as a healthy, whole person, which means you must care for yourself. It is my job to care for you when you are with me, it is your job to care for yourself when I am not. If you do not, then you fall apart as a person, and then what good is that to either you or me? Nurture and love yourself actively on a daily basis.
  10. Be Honest- With yourself and all others. Otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time. If something doesn't work for you, refer to number 3 and COMMUNICATE. You will NOT be judged for your feelings, you will, however, be doing us both a disservice if you do not communicate. And sometimes you will have to instigate conversation and communication yourself. This is real life, get your big girl panties on.
  11. Show your appreciation- It can and will go a long way. You are not the only one who needs a little reassurance or encouragement sometimes. We like to know when we are moving in the right direction. We like to know when our time and energy is being put into the right place. We like to know that you like what we are doing....and D/s is a game that requires two players, not one, cause playing with yourself is only so fun for so long ;)
I would like to give permission to anyone who would like to re-post this as I have received some interest in that, please just give me the respect of saying where it came from. And I would also like to address the person who has accused me of stealing parts of this writing by saying that this entire "Domme rant" is written by me alone, but as I said in the beginning, I have been studying BDSM for years so I am sure a lot of the information presented here has been said many times in similar ways as it is basic BDSM and manners, so please excuse me if there are coincidental similarities but I am in no way a plagiarizer ...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

18 days...

…until i see His face and His sparkling blue eyes that squeeze my heart.
…until the crack of His whip stings my wanting skin.
…until Our hungry mouths crash into each other passionately.
…until His fingers twist in my hair and tighten aggressively.
…until His hands are all over His kitten’s body, leaving no place unattended.
...until  i am leaning over His knees and His hand spanks kitten’s ass relentlessly.
…until i am on my knees at His feet, sucking feverishly, taunting kitten’s feeding.
…until i am zapped over and over by His use of the Violet Wand.
…until We make mad, Earth-shattering love to each other for hours.
…until the tails of His flogger fall over kitten’s needy body.
…until We are walking hand in hand into a beautiful Canadian sunset.
…until His hands grip my hips as He takes pleasure in His kitten’s ass.
…until Our wine glasses clink over a lovely fancy dinner.
…until kitten’s nipples are tortured with pleasure and pain.
…until We snuggle on the couch and watch a movie.
…until We attend the BDSM sloshes and play parties together and have scenes of Our own.
…until Our laughter fills the house with positive spirit.
…until We wake each day with a new sense of love, filling the house with romance.
…until Our lust for each other fills the house with passion.
…until the distance that has been between us is no more and Our lives begin anew.

Monday, May 14, 2012


i am in the middle of reading a trilogy ( FIFTY SHADES OF GREY by E L James) and am glued to the book - so hard to put down and i am almost done with book 1.  i highly recommend the book.  In it, the contract between the Dominant and submissive was really well written, so i thought it might be beneficial to post it here:

Made this day   _________________________________________ (“The Commencement Date”)
______________________________________________________ (“The Dominant”) 

_____________________________________________________ (“The submissive”)
1 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the Submissive.
2 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the Submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits safely, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.
3 The Dominant and the Submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing.
4 The Dominant and the Submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses, including but not limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.
5 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 3 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.
6 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms
7 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the Submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.
8 If at any time the Dominant should fail to keep to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, the Submissive is entitled to terminate this contract forthwith and to leave the service of the Dominant without notice.
9 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 2–5 above, the Submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take. COMMENCEMENT AND TERM
10 The Dominant and Submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.
11 This contract shall be effective for a period of three calendar months from the Commencement Date (“the Term”). On the expiry of the Term the parties shall discuss whether this contract and the arrangements they have made under this contract are satisfactory and whether the needs of each party have been met. Either party may propose the extension of this contract subject to adjustments to its terms or to the arrangements they have made under it. In the absence of agreement to such extension this contract shall terminate and both parties shall be free to resume their lives separately.
12 The submissive will make herself available to the Dominant from Friday evenings through to Sunday afternoons each week during the Term at times to be specified by the Dominant (“the Allotted Times”). Further allocated time can be mutually agreed on an ad hoc basis.
13 The Dominant reserves the right to dismiss the Submissive from his service at any time and for any reason. The Submissive may request her release at any time, such request to be granted at the discretion of the Dominant subject only to the submissive’s rights under clauses 2–5 and 8 above.
14 The submissive will make herself available during the Allotted Times and agreed additional times at locations to be determined by the Dominant. The Dominant will ensure that all travel costs incurred by the Submissive for that purpose are met by the Dominant. SERVICE PROVISIONS
15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be agreed, documented, and signed by both parties and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 2–5 above.
15.1 The Dominant shall make the submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the Submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the submissive’s life. The remaining subclauses of this clause 15 are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 2–5 above.
15.2 The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.
15.3 The Dominant shall provide the Submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.
15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the Submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5 The Dominant may discipline the Submissive as necessary to ensure the Submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog, spank, whip, or corporally punish the Submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.
15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.
15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such a way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.
15.8 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.
15.9 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.
15.10 The Dominant shall not loan his Submissive to another Dominant.
15.11 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the Submissive at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the Submissive.
15.12 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic, and safe state at all times.
15.13 The submissive accepts the Dominant as her master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term generally but specifically during the Allotted Times and any additional agreed allotted times.
15.14 The submissive shall obey the rules (“the Rules”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement.
15.15 The submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability.
15.16 The submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise.
15.17 The submissive will ensure that she procures oral contraception and ensure that she takes it as and when prescribed to prevent any pregnancy.
15.18 The submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.
15.19 The submissive shall not touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.
15.20 The submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.
15.21 The submissive shall accept whippings, floggings, spankings, canings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry, or complaint.
15.22 The submissive shall not look directly into the eyes of the Dominant except when specifically instructed to do so. The submissive shall keep her eyes cast down and maintain a quiet and respectful bearing in the presence of the Dominant.
15.23 The submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant and shall address him only as Sir, Mr. Grey, or such other title as the Dominant may direct.
15.24 The submissive will not touch the Dominant without his express permission to do so.
16 The submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.
17 The Dominant and the submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 3 and recorded in writing on Appendix 3 their agreement in respect of them.
18 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the submissive may make use of a safeword (“the Safeword[s]”). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.
19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive is close to her limit of endurance.
20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.
21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.
The Dominant: _________________________________
The submissive: _________________________________
Obedience: The submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation.
Sleep: The submissive will ensure she achieves a minimum of eight hours’ sleep a night when she is not with the Dominant.
Food: The submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and well-being from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.
Clothes: During the Term the submissive will wear clothing only approved by the Dominant. The Dominant will provide a clothing budget for the submissive, which the submissive shall utilize. The Dominant shall accompany the submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the submissive shall, during the Term, wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit.
Exercise: The Dominant shall provide the submissive with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed between the personal trainer and the submissive. The personal trainer will report to the Dominant on the submissive’s progress.
Personal Hygiene/Beauty: The submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. All costs will be met by the Dominant.
Personal Safety: The submissive will not drink to excess, smoke, take recreational drugs, or put herself in any unnecessary danger.
Personal Qualities: The submissive will not enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.
Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by the Dominant.
Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, cutting, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control. No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire, or flames to the body.

Soft Limits
To be discussed and agreed between both parties:
Does the Submissive consent to:
• Masturbation
• Cunnilingus
• Fellatio
• Swallowing Semen
• Vaginal intercourse
• Vaginal fisting
• Anal intercourse
• Anal fisting
Does the submissive consent to the use of:
• Vibrators
• Butt plugs
• Dildos
• Other vaginal/anal toys
Does the submissive consent to:
• Bondage with rope
• Bondage with leather cuffs
• Bondage with handcuffs/shackles/manacles
• Bondage with tape
• Bondage with other
Does the submissive consent to be restrained with:
• Hands bound in front
• Ankles bound
• Elbows bound
• Hands bound behind back
• Knees bound
• Wrists bound to ankles
• Binding to fixed items, furniture, etc.
• Binding with spreaderbar
• Suspension
Does the submissive consent to be blindfolded?
Does the submissive consent to be gagged?
How much pain is the submissive willing to experience?
Where 1 is likes intensely and 5 is dislikes intensely: 1—2—3—4—5
Does the submissive consent to accept the following forms of pain/punishment/discipline:
• Spanking
• Whipping
• Biting
• Genital clamps
• Hot wax
• Paddling
• Caning
• Nipple clamps
• Ice
• Other types/methods of pain
Written by:
James, E L (2011-05-25). Fifty Shades of Grey: Book One of the Fifty Shades Trilogy (p. 175). Random House, Inc.. Kindle Edition.