Thursday, October 4, 2012

His sacrifice

A couple of days ago, the bratty side of me reared its head...there is good humor and bad humor and when it disrespects my Master (joking or not), it is bad.  Thankfully, i can always count on my Master to bring me back to obedience ~smiles sweetly~

Here's what happened:

SirW and i were outside relaxing with some wine and chatting about various things when the subject of water came up.  The kind of water that sits on a cooler and it very heavy to pick up and load when you get a new/full one.  He told me to take His son with me to the store to handle the water.  i stated that if i did not have a couple of bad discs in my lower back, i would be able to lift the water by myself, but He insisted that He would not allow me to do that...that's when i sassed Him and said something like, "Well...You would not know about it because the water would be there and there would be no mention of how it got there.  Just kidding!

He did not particularly like that, but He knew i was just kidding...He said nothing.  Sometimes, things like that sit with me (and perhaps Him - i am not sure) and eat at me.  This is probably due to one of His rules, which says, "i will tell my Dom when i need to be punished and why."  Yesterday, i went up to SirW and told Him i needed to be punished.  He asked me why, so i told Him it was because i sassed Him about the water bottle.  He told me that it did not require punishment, but it would be dealt with in the form of a correction.

Last night came and He told me to come up with the correction.  In the past, SirW's corrections are always clever and are related to the crime, if you will and always teach me a lesson.  i tried to think of something that would be fitting the crime, but was at a loss.  He said either i come up with it, or He will and double the correction, but alas i could not think straight, so He came up with the correction(s) Himself:  For the following morning, i was not allowed to bring His coffee to His nightstand prior to Him wakening, nor was i allowed to touch/caress His back like i love doing to wake Him gently.

Wow...the sacrifice He makes in order to train me is amazing...He takes away something that He likes, which just kills me inside.  The lights were off by that time, so i felt safe to cry silent tears, when He said, "No tears kitten."  So, i swallowed them back and drifted off to sleep, as did He.

Morning came all to abruptly and, as usual, i got out of bed and went downstairs to make the coffee, but i did not bring a cup up for Him and i felt so sad that He would wake up and not have it.  i climbed into bed and waited for His alarm to sound off, and when it did and i was not permitted to touch His back, i felt a knot in my stomach...the denial of these things really hurt me and touched me at the same time, for i knew it was for my growth as His submissive.  For this reason, i am grateful to Him. 

Sir, thank You for hurting me, Sir...i feel the sacrifice You made in order to help me grow ~smiles with bright eyes~

Training is an ongoing part of Our lives.  As His submissive, i am thankful for the opportunity to learn and grow.  These things help me know myself more than i would otherwise and self-realization can be very profound and eye-opening. 

One of my favorite Buddhist terms is, "HoNimMyo" - this means from this moment onward.  When ever i have a punishment or correction, i view it as an opportunity to be the person i want to be from that moment on.  i do not look back and dwell, for i know these things, which sometimes hurt me, are what will make me perfect (for Him).  It's like a famous quote i love by C. S. Lewis:

"We are like blocks of stone, out of which the sculptor carves the forms of men.  The blows of His chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect."

Sir...on this day, i kneel before You and freely submit to You in all ways.  i thank You for all past days You've accepted my submission and for loving me so completely.

No comments:

Post a Comment