Monday, December 19, 2011

Tone it down?!

This is sort of a rant, so forgive me in advance...

My Mother loves telling everyone that my brother gave her 36 hours of labor and cried so often, that he was considered the family's 'cry-baby' and that her labor with me started and i was born about 30 minutes later, barely making it to the hospital and that after my first cry, it was all giggles from there, well mostly...

i have always felt a mission to brighten people's lives, make people smile and laugh when ever i have the chance.  i have always felt there is so much darkness in the world that it was my lot in life to be the sunniest and warmest person on the planet.  Also, i am very well aware of the Yin-Yang of things and that there are just as many negative people as there are positive people and i don't try to change people, but i do try to help the people that are negative, sad, depressed, etc. by finding the silver lining and encouraging as many people as possible on a daily basis.

That being said, from time to time, i run into people that just cannot stand my beacon of makes there darkness (that they apparently enjoy and want company in their misery too) seem even darker.  i have been told to 'tone it down' so many times and i find that really strange.  I am told to keep my excitement for life and the things that are going on that i am happy about to myself.  i enjoy sharing my joy with people, but have to respect those that are bothered by me...i suppose.

i am not here to be a thorn in any one's side, but it is very difficult to keep my light from's just who i am...i don't try to change anyone, so why do some people want me to change?  It's just not fair and it does not feel good to keep my happiness bottled up.  i mean, i know when it is appropriate to tone it down...when my Boss is in a bad mood, someone had a death in the family, you know...i know when to tone it down, but when things are normal every day, i just want to be myself. *sigh*

i am at the point at work where i keep all my happiness to myself and share nothing.  People ask me about SirW or my vacation, i just give them a short non-happy answer.  If i show any excitement, it gets turned on Boss's wife will say she realizes how happy and excited i am about my boyfriend, but it's affecting my work, which is bullshit - i am a professional and multitask and do so much for my company, most of which i do not talk about as it would be bragging, i just get my job done.

OK, i think i got it all out...sorry guys, i just needed to vent a little...



Saturday, December 17, 2011

Frisky kitten!

First of all, prrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  This Friday, i will be with SirW and my anticipation is building!  He has so many things planned...and so many new toys to try out *smiles big...with teeth and everything*  One of the new toys ('cause He won't tell me all He has obtained) is the Violet Wand *smiles with huge eyes* SirW goes all out too...He has the best 'equipment' and i am so excited for all the scenes W/we will get to do!

Of course, some of the time spent there will be vanilla, as it's Christmas and New years and the kids will be there for part of the time, W/we will be visiting friends and doing things like Hay Rides, Slay Rides, Sledding, Skiing, etc.  i am from the desert, so W/we are gonna do stuff that people in below zero weather do, which will be fun and exciting!

W/we will also get opportunities to be with others in a BDSM setting.  His regular slosh, which W/we went to the last time i visited SirW, is looking forward to seeing me again, as am i them.  SirW made and bottled His own wine...well, He says O/our wine, and He made a label and calls it 'SpankAss Wine" which i just love!  This wine is so tasty too!

So, i am totally looking forward to the flogging, spanking, paddling, hair pulling, nipple clamping, cane striping, Wartenberg wheeling, feather tickling...but also the tender moments between a Man and His woman, all of which make the time W/we spend together so incredibly memorable.  So, the countdown begins again!

Wishing E/everyO/one the best holiday season and New Year *hugs*


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Greatest Joy

Growing up, i was raised by a single Mom, along with the assistance of my grandparents - between them all, i had a great childhood and have grown into a well-balanced adult.  When my Mom and Dad got married, they made a vow to each other and obviously, that vow was broken somewhere prior to the divorce, eh? 

i was married myself from my 20's to my 40's (almost 16 years) and then We divorced due to the vows being broken.  Why are vows made and broken so easily i asked myself.  What happened to discipline, compassion and restraint?  When things are good, the vows are easier to uphold?  This was something i thought about during the last 5 years of my broken marriage and i decided that it had to be karma.

i grew up trying to do the right thing all the time, but i am human and not perfect and slip here and there.  Whether O/one believes in 'Cause & Effect' or not, it exists, like gravity.  So i decided that somewhere in my past, or even a past life, i made some causes that manifested into the negative things that have occurred in my present life and have tried to make as many good causes each day of my life and will continue to do so for the sake of my present, my future, as well as a next life, if that exists (who really knows)...

Then there are the good things in my life that are sooooo good that it can only be explained again, by karma.  i know i must have saved a life or many lives in my last lifetime, because to have found love with SirW is the most extraordinary benefit that i cherish.  He makes the Man of my dreams pale in His comparison in every way.  Every day for the last 11 months, He has shown me the best that a Man can be.  The most amazing Father, Son, Cousin, Lover and it is hard to keep this to myself, for He brings me such joy, such pleasure, such peace that if i were to keep it bottled up inside, i might burst.

SirW has not only been the most incredible partner, He has also been the most amazing Dom.  He thinks about me in the things He does, the things He plans, His life, His future and i do the same...i give Him everything i have: mind, body, heart and soul.  There's nothing i wouldn't do for Him.  But the real test was this past 2, going on 3 weeks now during the toughest time of my health life...i got very ill and O/our safe word was invoked until my health returned.  At first, i was too sick to worry about how this would affect O/our relationship, for i did not know how long it would take me to recover.  Day by day, His love and support is what helped me to stay calm and keep hope alive.  He is my rock.

At O/our collaring ceremony in July, W/we verbalized O/our vows.  His vows made me cry, because He vowed to always take care of me in sickness and in health...and He meant it.  Finally the One who believes in what He says...and He loves me, WOW...i am still stunned after all this time, and each day i wake, i still get butterflies at the thought of Him.  No matter what life presents, the struggles, the joys, i could not be happier knowing SirW and i are partners in vanilla and BDSM...the greatest joy i have ever known.



Friday, December 9, 2011

Infected kitten

Nice title, right?

OK, to get all vanilla and personal, i have been really sick and am finally pulling out of it.  Long story short, i had 4 infections: Sinus, Bladder, Urinary and most serious Kidney.  This had kitten completely not in control of my energy, and over all body health.  Now, i like to give up control, but not like this! lol  Anyway, with antibiotics and a ton of bed rest, i am just about myself again *cheers*

The interesting part is that i had to call my safe word for the time i was sick - SirW would have called it anyway, but i called it first thing.  Part of me was sad i had to use it, but it had to be used.  i also had to take off His Eternity Collar...i had ct scans and besides that, SirW wanted me to rest as comfortably as possible with no restraints on my neck, etc.  i did not like going day to day without His Collar, but i did it for my health.

During my time trying to recover, SirW took care of my spiritual side, assuring me everything would return to normal soon, to hang in there and be strong through the rough times, reminding me that it was always darkest before dawn.  His nurturing care felt so calming and sent me off to bed each night with hope that the next day i'd be one day closer to good health...and here i am *smiles*

i am excited to get back to my submissive training and O/our kinky moments W/we love sharing so much, which should be Sunday, where the safe word shall be lifted!

What else, OH YEAH:  i am flying to see SirW for 10 days for Christmas and New will be a white Christmas, in more ways than one! *giggles* (sorry, i could not resist that)

Anyway, this kitten wants to wish Y/you A/all the very best health and a safe and happy Christmas and New Year.  May next year turn E/every O/one's dreams and fantasies into reality!