Wednesday, December 12, 2012

adjustment period

i knew there would be an adjustment period with my moving to Canada.  i knew i was the Step mother that would take some of their Father's attention away from them to make room for me.  i did not think it would be easy for anyone involved.  And, for the most part, relations with the kids have been developing steadily.

But some days have me feeling like an intruder.  An outsider.  The new girl in school that wants to fit in. 

I mean, just because their Father loves me and wants to spend the rest of His life with me, does not mean the children have to love me and have a relationship with me.  It would be ideal, but it is something that i cannot force.  His son has accepted me much more than His daughter at this point.  Neither of them are mean to me, but i do sometimes feel like i am in the way of the life they were living.

My hope is that i can affect their lives in a positive way by setting a good example in front of them.  i am human and have emotions though, so there are times when i am sensitive and/or get frustrated with situations just like the next person.  The kids have these feelings too.  Dealing with all of it is not easy, but i hope that time will allow the kids to see that i care about their well-being and happiness.

Being their Step mom does not mean i will ever feel like a mom or that they will see me as a parent, but i hope in time, they will see me as family and truly love me for me.  

Today i do not feel it, today i am a little sad...

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

LDR's - They can work!

A question was posted on Fetlife that asked for ways to maintain a D/s or M/s LDR - i thought i would repost my response here, in case it helps someone who reads my blogs:

SirW and i started as a LDR...We weren't even in the same country.  We were lucky to skype nearly every night - this is where He trained me as His submissive.  Aside from the training every night, He gave me instructions, tasks, rituals and assignments on a daily basis.  His active Dominance kept Him on my mind and me feeling completely submissive, even thousands of miles apart.  BUT...Trust is crucial.  The basic pillars must be upheld in order for any LDR to work.

So, what are some of the things that i was expected to do?

Morning ritual (this varied from day to day, from sitting on my knees in front of a mirror, looking at myself and appreciating what SirW sees in me.  His vision of me was amazing and i started to see it after a while - it wasn't that i had low self esteem, but what i considered to be flaws, He saw as beautiful imperfections that made me perfect for Him.  Some days, He would have me read (a book of His choice, usually BDSM related).  Some days, He would have me play and release before work.  What ever the morning ritual was, i looked forward to it, as it made me feel closer to Him than We actually were.

Each day, i was given 3 words to be used in 3 different sentences with 3 different people (without them knowing).  This was a challenge that i enjoyed.  At the end of each day, i would email Him my Word Task Report (WTR).  He enjoyed reading them and made Him feel closer to me and what my day entailed.

As mentioned, We skyped nearly every night.  We would talk about Our day, listen to music, read a book to each other, play online scrabble (We also played World of Warcraft together) and We trained.  Training was sometimes my roping myself with His instructions, nipple torture, playing with myself and practicing orgasm control.  Sometimes, We would face the camera toward the kitchen, prepare a meal at the same time and then get dressed, light candles and have a romantic dinner together.  We even clinked the computer screen to toast with Our wine glasses (lol).
During the day (at work), i wold get surprise text messages that would tell me to clamp or play for 10 minutes...i loved these surprises: they made my day.

We did all this for a whole 2 months before We ever met in Our first meeting, We were so comfortable with each other that Our actual union was out of this world.

After 6 months, He collared me as His submissive.  A year later, after skyping nightly, meeting every few months or so, i moved to Canada and on Our 1 year collaring ceremony, We got married and now live harmoniously as Dom/sub, as well as Husband and wife and are very happy :)

i am so alive!!!

As i drifted off to sleep last night, a million things ran through my head (as usual).  Thoughts of a snowy-white Christmas, the New Year, all that had happened over the last couple of life has changed so much!  One of the final thoughts before i fall asleep is how happy i am right here, right now...a sense of deep appreciation washes over me and i sleep.

The next sound i hear is the alarm and i am disappointed because i was having a very action-packed vivid dream about racing to the site of a concert...can't recall which concert, but it was in Vegas and i had great seats at the top of a new hotel and i was having trouble getting there and when it seemed i was about to make it, the alarm went off - lol, figures :)

i finally get up and make my way downstairs to make coffee and, again, a deep sense of gratitude hits me - i feel it warm me from my face to my toes and feel like doing cartwheels (but i don't). 

Some say the newlywed phase fades after time...all i know is that i have felt the butterflies every time i even think about SirW over the past couple of years.  When i actually see Him, my body becomes weak and His cunt twitches with excitement!  i cannot help it :)  Of course, there are kids in the house, so i don't jump Him, but i love that i really want to...i have a sexual stimulation that sticks with me every day and i love it!

i did not feel like i was settling when i got married the first time, but i never felt these feelings for my previous husband...i did not know i could feel this way until i met SirW, so i am taken by surprise with these feelings and cherish them every day.

Nothing major to report in this blog, just that i am flooded with true joy that feels like the sun is bursting through every pore of my body - i am so alive!!!