Wednesday, December 12, 2012

adjustment period

i knew there would be an adjustment period with my moving to Canada.  i knew i was the Step mother that would take some of their Father's attention away from them to make room for me.  i did not think it would be easy for anyone involved.  And, for the most part, relations with the kids have been developing steadily.

But some days have me feeling like an intruder.  An outsider.  The new girl in school that wants to fit in. 

I mean, just because their Father loves me and wants to spend the rest of His life with me, does not mean the children have to love me and have a relationship with me.  It would be ideal, but it is something that i cannot force.  His son has accepted me much more than His daughter at this point.  Neither of them are mean to me, but i do sometimes feel like i am in the way of the life they were living.

My hope is that i can affect their lives in a positive way by setting a good example in front of them.  i am human and have emotions though, so there are times when i am sensitive and/or get frustrated with situations just like the next person.  The kids have these feelings too.  Dealing with all of it is not easy, but i hope that time will allow the kids to see that i care about their well-being and happiness.

Being their Step mom does not mean i will ever feel like a mom or that they will see me as a parent, but i hope in time, they will see me as family and truly love me for me.  

Today i do not feel it, today i am a little sad...


  1. Hugs!
    hang in there, it is like you said, adjustment. I am sure all will fall into place, takes a bit of time.


  2. My second wife was a stepmother to my two children. She was very young - 20 - when she moved in with me and it was difficult for her, but she did well. She is the oldest child of four herself, so she had already some experience of keeping young ones in order. She soon had two children by me, and in later life those two young children benefited greatly through contact with their older step-brother, who was very kind, useful and generous to them. Remember to foresee the future family situation as clearly as possible (I am not sure how old you are or whether you intend having more children.)

    One cannot make predictions as to how things will go in these matters, since it depends on the personalities involved, but sometimes children do adapt well to a new parent, you may even find yourself considered as Mom! Perhaps much depends on how the children feel about the mother they have been used to, and you cannot do anything about that.

    I have written a comment on your other blog, post "Red light", which you may find relevant here.

    Wishing you All the best kitten.

  3. OK I read your other blog and now see you are still young enough to have more children! And old enough not to be too much fazed by your present circumstances.