Perhaps living life to the fullest, making it count as if there was no promise of tomorrow comes as a double-edge sword...
There are moments...not many of them (thankfully), where i...hmmm: i probably need to start further back...hang on...OK, here it is:
Today, for example, i had a pretty awesome day at work, got home with more energy than i expected and sat and enjoyed an afternoon movie - so relaxing!
Then, i get a box taped and start packing (We're moving in 9 days!)...wait...I need to go further back, damn it (Sorry) OK, here it is:
So my move to Canada was phase 1 of our journey together. Phase 2 would happen after both kids graduate high school, work and live successfully outside our home. This has happened (yey!).
We are now about to downsize (Phase 2) into a gorgeous apartment on the top floor with a river view to die for, sunken living room, underground parking (bye bye shoveling and scraping), indoor and outdoor pools, jacuzzi, a complete gym, sauna - it's a slice of heaven and We will be there in 9 days! Thus the packing :)
Now then, so i turned the music on and danced and packed and danced and packed. Then i incorporated the making of dinner into the mix - i was feeling fantastic...until...i look at the clock and it's a tad later then usual with no call/text to say He was on His way.
i call and leave a message at work. i call and leave a message on His cell. Why am i hyperventilating?
It's that moment i hate...the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when for a split second, i think something has happened to Him and it begins to pick at me internally.
That's why, each time these feelings creep in, when eventually He walks through the door, i run to Him and hug Him tight, so grateful to have even just one more day with Him. That's why, when ever We part to go to work, etc., i repeat, "i love You!" (a little too often perhaps).
Anywhooo, He just texted to say He was in a meeting, so i just let out a sigh of relief :)
Just being real with some pretty negative feelings - feels good to get it off my chest!