Wednesday, October 3, 2012

i am His (Itchy Bitch)

While there are things happening in my life i am not happy about and or will change in time, they are all overshadowed by the more important fact that i am His.  i am human...i am real and have ups and downs just like the next person, but i am comforted in so many ups are twice as fantastic and my downs are half as bad. 

OK, so what are the things that are bothering me? 

Well...since i moved to Canada, my allergies have been out of control.  My eyes are very itchy, red and watery, even with allergy medicine, which usually makes me drowsy (even when it says non-drowsy). 

My Eczema has resurfaced on my fingers, making it difficult to complete day-to-day tasks, as well as tasks assigned by my Master.  My fingers are raw, cracking and bleeding in some is a tad painful and looks disgusting, making me feel less attractive and want to hide my hands behind my back or by wearing gloves (A seperate post called, "The Girl with the White Gloves" is in my alternate blog "White Picket Fence Girl").

About a week ago, i got another yeast infection (i am starting to think i have "Itchy Karma") *giggles*

So, summing it up, i have itchy eyes, fingers and pussy...just writing that made me laugh, but it is no laughing makes me upset, for i cannot perform the way i like to and am capable of.  It's not just about not having sex with SirW (He will use His other avenues if/when He sees fit to), but the connection i feel when We are intimate is lacking for me a little and i miss it. 

While i am left feeling inadequate and unable to give Him my best 'service', if you will, He has shown me a lot of compassion - i am grateful to have such a kind and patient Dom/Husband/Lover/Friend.  i am so lucky to get all i need from my One and that is why it hurts to not be able to be all things He needs while my health continues to be an issue.

i realize these things are temporary and will change, so i am not allowing it to consume me or make room for depression.  i am using my energy to complete the tasks i can and accept the fact that i have some temporary limits and that it in no way makes me less of a good submissive to Him.  He knows in my heart, i want what He please Him in all ways and when my health allows, i will resume with all the things i am having a challenge with currently, so it's all good.

As i have said in the past, most of my posts will be positive and hopefully inspiring, but when i have issues, i am still going to share them with you because it is a part of who i am...i am His.

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