Thursday, May 24, 2012

So let me guess, you think you want to be submissive?

This post is from JessicaCreature on Fetlife and ws so on point, i had to share it!

So you want to be submissive huh? You've decided it's time to make all your fantasies come true and you're super excited about the thought of being on your knees! Weeeehooooo here we go! This piece is for all the newbie submissives out there....

Newsflash Being submissive is about more than just being on your knees whenever you please. Oh yes, surprising as it may be there is a lot more that you will have to work on. What's that you say, "work on?" Yes bitches, WORK. Something that doesn't seem to register with newbies is the amount of time, energy, dedication, work and money I have already put into being a Dominant/Top/Sadist whatever you want to call it. To start, I have spent years of my own being submissive to learn and experience what it is to be a submissive person, to serve, to submit on a daily basis. Then I have spent hours and hours of my time learning safety precautions and techniques so that I may play with you properly without damaging you. Not to mention the money I have spent in the process getting to/from classes, or the hundreds of dollars worth of toys and instruments I've bought to work my craft. Aside from all this there is the hours of time I have spent reading and thinking about the mental aspect of BDSM to be able to try to be aware of all aspects that I may affect my submissive. And then there is the time that I have spent getting to know you, what you are interested in, scared of, turned off by. The hours of my time it takes driving to see you, explaining the lifestyle to you, preparing you, teaching you, and coming up with a plan of where I'm going to take you and what I'm going to do with you.

And you expect to come and kneel before me and think that you are good to go?

Let me be clear once again about your part in this, as I have been quite clear in what it takes to make my Dominance happen....
  1. This is not just about you- This is not just about you and all the fantasies you want to make come true. I am a real person who has invested my life in this lifestyle, and I am not here to serve you when you feel like it and be pushed aside when you don't. I AM NOT A NOVELTY.
  2. Don't waste my time- I understand that you are on a journey of expanding your sexuality and realizing what you like and don't like but that does not give you the right to waste my time. You had plenty of time to think about what you were doing before you contacted me.
  3. Learn to communicate- That's right, YOU also need to learn something. Surprise Surprise we are not mind readers, nor psychic. Sensitive yes. So yes I do sense there is something amiss with you but no I do not have any idea of what it may be unless you tell me.
  4. Be accountable- If you schedule a playdate with me and I call to check in with you the day before, THAT is the day to tell me your not feeling well and want to reschedule, not the day of play a few hours beforehand when I've already spent over an hour of my time preparing for the session. Respect MY time as I respect yours.
  5. Educate yourself- So that you have a better of idea of what you want to create. So that you keep yourself safe. So that you know that I know what I'm doing. So you have something to offer besides being on your knees. Get out into the community and take some classes that relate to being submissive, find groups for submissives, books to read. Take a cooking class or small massage course, find ways to constantly better yourself.
  6. Be prepared to do something that you don't want to do- Because I will find it. And I will make you do it to prove a point. Because you can do things that you want to do all day long while we play, but until you have done something for me that you don't want to do you have not fully submitted, you have only served yourself in the long run. * * * * *CLARIFICATION FOR #6- I should have know I should have clarified on this as I had a feeling it would be taken the wrong way. I am in NO way talking about pushing or breaking any kind of limit the sub has. What I am referring to is this- A sub usually prefers to do things within their talents and comfort zones, for example, cleaning, cooking and taking pain were one of my sub's comfort zones.......they were very easy tasks for him to do which he enjoyed. That is not to say that I didn't appreciate or enjoy these tasks that he did for me, but they came easily for him and without any internal struggle, or in turn, growth for him as a submissive. At a party I had brought him to I decided I wanted him to dress as a female to amuse my friend whose birthday it was, as she enjoys this particular thing. Now, let me tell you, he did not want to dress in this cute pink dress that I picked out for him, but he did, and putting that dress on triggered all kinds of things for him, he felt insecure, I'm sure a part of him felt a bit angry, he felt a tad humiliated maybe, but I reassured him that it made me happy, and I watched him work through all these feelings, and then release them, and as he gave up his preconceived notions about what he thought of this he surrendered to me, he did it for me because it made him happy to see me happy that he did this for me. By the end of the night he was standing proudly in his little pink outfit, a huge change from his hunched over demeanor when he first put the dress on. I was so proud of him, for I saw him let go and surrender to me, I saw him push through and work through his feelings and expand as a submissive, and this meant more to me than him cooking or cleaning ever will. This is what I mean by "doing something you don't want to do". What you need to remember, is that I HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HAND, I do not want to damage/scar/hurt you, I want to help you grow in your submission.... I want to help you let go so that you can be free..even if for just a short while. I hope that this can help resolve some of the negative feelings that were triggered by #6.....
  7. Work through the feelings that BDSM triggers- As I warned you, BDSM can and will bring up emotional/mental triggers that may make you feel sad, angry, hurt, rejected, confused, guilty, ashamed, is your job to let yourself actually feel these feelings, give yourself the space and acceptance you need to have them, try to work through them, and communicate properly to the proper audience when vocalizing them.....there is plenty of support in the right places, and you are not the only submissive who has felt this way.
  8. Enjoy yourself- This is an organic process in which two people create a moment that exists for only a short amount of time, and will never be duplicated again...each scene is unique unto itself, and precious. Recognize exactly how much time and energy your Dominant has put into making your scene happen and respect that. Realize that your fantasies will not always happen as you expect them to.
  9. Take care of yourself- It is your job to take care of yourself. This means mentally, emotionally and physically. It is your responsibility to show up as a healthy, whole person, which means you must care for yourself. It is my job to care for you when you are with me, it is your job to care for yourself when I am not. If you do not, then you fall apart as a person, and then what good is that to either you or me? Nurture and love yourself actively on a daily basis.
  10. Be Honest- With yourself and all others. Otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time. If something doesn't work for you, refer to number 3 and COMMUNICATE. You will NOT be judged for your feelings, you will, however, be doing us both a disservice if you do not communicate. And sometimes you will have to instigate conversation and communication yourself. This is real life, get your big girl panties on.
  11. Show your appreciation- It can and will go a long way. You are not the only one who needs a little reassurance or encouragement sometimes. We like to know when we are moving in the right direction. We like to know when our time and energy is being put into the right place. We like to know that you like what we are doing....and D/s is a game that requires two players, not one, cause playing with yourself is only so fun for so long ;)
I would like to give permission to anyone who would like to re-post this as I have received some interest in that, please just give me the respect of saying where it came from. And I would also like to address the person who has accused me of stealing parts of this writing by saying that this entire "Domme rant" is written by me alone, but as I said in the beginning, I have been studying BDSM for years so I am sure a lot of the information presented here has been said many times in similar ways as it is basic BDSM and manners, so please excuse me if there are coincidental similarities but I am in no way a plagiarizer ...

1 comment:

  1. Wonderful! Sometimes I feel that I do tend to focus on this side only. I loved the sarcastic tone and the good advice!