Monday, March 19, 2012

To submit or not? (thanks sbf!)

My friend sbf wrote a post To submit or not to submit, that is the question today and i found it to be significant and important to post my thoughts on it in my own post, for there are so many submissive people out there with ideas of what it means to be in a D/s relationship.  First of all, any relationship is designed / customized by the two of Y/you - there does not have to be a set way things needs to be in order for it to be categorized as D/s - it's your relationship, fuck every one else!

i am one that met her Dom on line, but not because i was looking for a Dom, as i had no idea about the D/s world or that i was submissive for that matter (lol).

i am lucky in that there were steps taken prior to establishing Our D/s relationship...a check list of likes and dislikes (limits, etc.) that made it possible for Us to see if We were even compatible - even vanilla peeps should do a check list of was so helpful and allowed Him to know what i was about, as well as my knowing myself a little more too *wink*

One main point to D/s i have learned is that submission is not forced, it is freely given by the submissive, so the instinct to wait until it feels right is the right thing to do.  Skyping every day, my trust in Him came sooner rather than later, but i know i am lucky in that i found a Partner who is not perfect, but perfect for me in every way imaginable.

And, i must MUST mention that i am of the opinion that Domination and submission should be about the Dom taking care of His sub - it is a serious thing to take responsibility for another human being in this way, but that is what it should be about...of course, in return, the submissive gives everything to her Dom - this does not mean giving things that are a 'NO' on the checklist (hard limits).

In time, the submissive may feel like she wants to revisit some things she placed as a hard limit, but that should be her decision.  Being submissive does not take rights and decisions away from her and it does not mean she is topping from the bottom either.  Most Dom's want a submissive who has and uses her brain, has opinions and if they disagree with something, they should be able to voice it...this doesn't mean they will get their way, but the great communication is key to ANY relationship, D/s or otherwise!

i really need to thank sbf for all her posts - she brings about awareness and writes from her heart.  She is not one to settle for the wrong Dom and knows herself very well and what she wants, so i know when she finds her Dom, it is going to be extraordinary.



  1. You are very sweet and I always appreciate your comments.
    Your story is inspirational!

  2. That darn SBF...she always makes us stop and think, doesn't she! Her post, as well as yours, are very well said and written. As a Dom, I agree with everything you said. I have even said a lot of the same things in bits and pieces here and there. Communication is matter what kind of relationship you have. Without it there is no way to ever figure out what is best for you both, or for Him to take care of you. You must listen as much or more than you talk...Dam and sub. Thanks for writing this. There are many people who need to read and hear it.