Out of sorts...

The past couple of weeks, Sir has been traveling, and next week His travels bring Him to His kitten, finally.  During His first week away from His home, He was able to skype a little, but mostly, it was without picture, but at least kitten got to hear SirW’s voice, and that was soothing to say the least.  Now, i really do not want this to sound like a complaint, because it’s not. 

The way i am feeling is most likely how SirW is feeling in that W/we have not been able to train or include much D/s in O/our nightly contact.  Sure, i still have my morning rituals, my daily word tasks…in fact, i have the white balls in His pussy right now, which is slightly lifting my spirits.  What i am talking about is not only felt by me, as He told me that it hurts Him to miss me this much too. 

And i have noticed other submissive’s blogs that talk about the feeling i am feeling too: kytten's corner  ( His ) talks about this feeling of being out of sorts.  When a submissive has a consistent flow of active Dominance in her life and is missing suddenly, it leaves her feeling out of sorts. 

This is not exactly a feeling of depression or other such feelings, but a feeling of not being myself…the reins of control have been there, but not pulled so that this submissive pony feels the bit in her mouth (so to speak).  All this will change when He gets here, but until then, i just needed to blog about it to allow these feelings to surface in hopes that i might not carry them with me for the next 4 days…

And like kytten, this kitten will also become permanently collared (this Sunday, with a friend and nature as O/our witnesses) – perhaps that has me anxious as well, for i have felt completely owned and belong to Him for many months now.  This collaring, though, is a symbol that is so significant and meaningful, much more so than a wedding is.  i want things to be perfect, so feeling that is adding another dimension of paranoia to me.  That, and the fact that i over analyze everything probably is not very helpful *giggles*  i am struggling to memorize my vows and wonder if He has memorized His or will be reading them.  i just need to breathe and chill out – tonight: kitten drinks wine to relax!

I will say that just writing this blog today gives me a feeling of relief. 

4 days P/people, FOUR DAYS!!!

--kitten for Sir