As it should be

It takes control to give up control.  There is strength in being submissive.  A submissive is a representation of their Dom, so where ever the submissive goes, they shall go with pride in their eyes, a spring in their step and a song in their heart.  One of my Sir's rules...His favorite rule actually and the most important to Him (and i did not understand why until now), is this:  "When i sit, walk or stand, i will do so with the greatest confidence, so that others around me will admire my performance, in public or in private."

In fact, before Sir left to go back to His home, i imagined i would be a basket case, missing Him and weeping for His return.  Then, today, after 8 magnificent days of being together, i brought Him to the airport.  Of course, my heart was beating fast, but i was not sad, nor did i possess any other feeling i imagined i would have.  Rather, i, His kitten, with the promise of eternity in His collar i now wear, kissed Him passionately, looked deeply into His eyes and without words told Him His kitten is strong and would be a shining star where ever i go. 

So, i watched Him walk off into the airport, then i got back into my car and drove home, my head held high, a smile on my face, a twinkle in my eyes.  When i got home, i greeted my dogs, took a look at my apartment and was filled with an immense amount of satisfaction and contentment.  i sat down at the computer and replayed the collaring ceremony and i admit, i cried watching that, but i did not weep due to sadness.

My tears were those of joy and faith.  Faith that He is always thinking of me and i of Him, no matter how much distance there is between U/us.  Faith that one day, W/we will be together again and that until that day comes, His kitten will make a difference in her daily life and have a positive affect on her environment.  Those around me will see my strength and courage.  There is power in being submissive and that power is nurtured by my Dom.  He feeds my submissive nature as i feed His Dominance.  Together, W/we are unstoppable and separately, W/we are also forces to be reckoned with.  W/we are fuel for E/each O/other. 

So, do not worry about this kitten, for i am strong and will grow with each passing day, following His rules, making not only Him proud, but also, and perhaps more importantly, myself proud.

His daughter once said, "Be proud of your flaws" and i say, it is O/our flaws that make U/us uniquely perfect.  In O/our collaring ceremony, W/we made vows which were not only said, but they will be honored.  W/we will live the vow W/we made to E/each O/other, forever advancing along the path of life, gaining great stride and maintaining O/our passion for life.

Sir once said, "A great boss does not mean being bossy" and i totally get that, for His active Dominance requires a control in His control over me, as does it take a great control to give up control to Him, and i do this with a free spirit and open arms.

In days that pass, i will go into detail of some things that W/we experienced as Dom and sub over the past 8 days, but know this:  W/we are two in body and one in mind..as it should be. 

Never give up Y/your dreams,  

--kitten for Sir

His collar

Sir is on His way back to His home.  W/we had a glorious 8 days.  kitten is now permanently collared and the ceremony was phenomenal.  W/we did so many things, created so many memories, but i do not have the strength to share them right now - eventually, i will blog about the whole experience...until then, a little poem:

I am not sad that W/we are now apart
You may not be here, but You are in my heart
It is not from sorrow that i shed a tear
but of joy from the memories that are held so dear
Until the day comes when i feel Your touch
i will practice my aim, so i don't miss You too much

Wishing E/everyone well and that Y/your dreams become a reality,

--kitten for Sir

Tomorrow

Today is yesterday's tomorrow, but today kitten can finally say, "Tomorrow, W/we will be reunited." 

Tomorrow...

This mornings task was to PEG His nipples and think about what is to CUM tomorrow and what will be for the 8 days He'll be with His kitten and i did just that...

W/we have so much planned for the 8 days He'll be here, and unlike the first time He was with me (4 months ago), W/we are in the deepest love W/we have ever known, so it's different.  The craving has been so intense that at times, it hurt.  The ache to kiss E/each O/other's lips has been almost overwhelming.  The desire to devour and be devoured has me wet with anticipation.  The longing has driven U/us Bo/both crazy.  The lust will be satisfied...with pleasure AND pain...tomorrow and for 8 days...

So this morning, kitten pegged and played and thought about all this and i did CUM very hard, and when i did, i reached up and touched His collar and moaned His name, "Sssssiiiiiirrrrrr!!!!!"

Then the tears flooded, spilled down His cheeks, staining His face, for the one thought i am avoiding, placing it as far back in my mind as possible...

...is when He leaves.

i will not be thinking about this, i just wanted to express how THAT will be the hardest part of O/our reunion.

Today, kitten is excited about everything that is to be!

Eternity begins...

Tomorrow.

--kitten for Sir

Happily Ever After

...Days fly by like clouds in the sky

They float high my Love, as do i

Counting the moments, while time stands still

Lips will touch and W/we have O/our fill

Of things W/we B/both need

From You, i will feed

Drink You into me

So desperately

Belonging to You completely

For all to see, for eternity

To the finish line

Your hand in mine

Old and wrinkled, Hair gone grey

Obeying Your command, until my last day

Feet in the sand, light in O/our eyes

To wake with You, each sunrise

Lines that show laughter

Happily ever after...

Couldn't Sleep

Yesterday, Sir sent me a text to say "good morning" and my responses led Him to feel that His kitten was feeling less than good, so He skype-called me at work, which was exactly what i needed.  i actually got to see His face for about 20 seconds before the video dropped.  Tears spill from my eyes at the sight of Him.  He knows me like no other, He calms me when i need calming.  He soothes me when i need soothing.  He corrects me when i need correction, protects me always.  He chats with me for several hours, and i feel good again. 

i forgot to mention yesterday, that my monitor at home broke, so i was sad that if He could skype last night, i could not.  i was fortunate though, as my boss allowed me to borrow a company monitor, and i told SirW this and He said He would try to get near a spot to skype (He is on travel and not near WIFI, so it's been hard for Him to skype with me).  i was excited at the thought of seeing His face, or hearing His voice again.  When i got home, i fed my dogs, walked them, hopped into the bath and finished the Sleeping Beauty series - the ending made me feel great!  i got out and did as i was instructed by Him earlier: "you Will insert the blue anal beads and you Will play for Me and you Will cum hard for Me."  So, i did exactly that, and by the time i was done, i was drench form head to toe with sweat and had to shower, but i felt a little relieved.

i proceeded to the mirror to pretty myself for Him, in case He was able to skype.  As i waited for the curling iron to heat, i applied my make-up, as i did the night before in hopes i might see Him via skype, but alas, it did not work out that night.  Make-up turned out nicely, hair curled very sexy and i wait.  "He's on vacation" i say to myself and i keep myself busy, cleaning, Facebooking, trying to find a movie on Netflix.  A text came through letting me know His cousin came by to visit He and His mom and it was already getting late, so i sunk down in the couch, my dogs with me and we nodded off for a few minutes.  i woke up and decided to just go to bed and wake up to it being one day closer to His being here...

Went to sleep without the next day's instructions.  "He is on vacation" is what i said to myself as i tossed and turned trying to sleep.  Thoughts of being Dominated by Him wouldn't let me drift, i grab my training collar and clutch it tight in my hands, my eyes shut, i tell myself to relax, He'll be here soon, hang in there.  Eyes closed, i toss and turn trying to sleep when His text came through with the daily instructions and ...then i drift to sleep.

...i reach out for Him, He is not there of course, but my dreams were a mix of Him and events that happened in the Sleeping Beauty book (lol).  Tossing and turning, i look at the time...2am, need to sleep to be fresh for work.  Toss and turn some more, then i wake up and decide to walk the dogs early and write a blog to express what's been going on inside me...what is going on with me?  Why am i so anxious?  i am a grown woman, confident woman.  i need to be my sunny, happy, cheerful self today.  This is what i want and am determined to make happen!

*blows a kiss in the wind*

T H R E E    D A Y S...!

--kitten for Sir

Out of sorts...

The past couple of weeks, Sir has been traveling, and next week His travels bring Him to His kitten, finally.  During His first week away from His home, He was able to skype a little, but mostly, it was without picture, but at least kitten got to hear SirW’s voice, and that was soothing to say the least.  Now, i really do not want this to sound like a complaint, because it’s not. 

The way i am feeling is most likely how SirW is feeling in that W/we have not been able to train or include much D/s in O/our nightly contact.  Sure, i still have my morning rituals, my daily word tasks…in fact, i have the white balls in His pussy right now, which is slightly lifting my spirits.  What i am talking about is not only felt by me, as He told me that it hurts Him to miss me this much too. 

And i have noticed other submissive’s blogs that talk about the feeling i am feeling too: kytten's corner  ( His ) talks about this feeling of being out of sorts.  When a submissive has a consistent flow of active Dominance in her life and is missing suddenly, it leaves her feeling out of sorts. 

This is not exactly a feeling of depression or other such feelings, but a feeling of not being myself…the reins of control have been there, but not pulled so that this submissive pony feels the bit in her mouth (so to speak).  All this will change when He gets here, but until then, i just needed to blog about it to allow these feelings to surface in hopes that i might not carry them with me for the next 4 days…

And like kytten, this kitten will also become permanently collared (this Sunday, with a friend and nature as O/our witnesses) – perhaps that has me anxious as well, for i have felt completely owned and belong to Him for many months now.  This collaring, though, is a symbol that is so significant and meaningful, much more so than a wedding is.  i want things to be perfect, so feeling that is adding another dimension of paranoia to me.  That, and the fact that i over analyze everything probably is not very helpful *giggles*  i am struggling to memorize my vows and wonder if He has memorized His or will be reading them.  i just need to breathe and chill out – tonight: kitten drinks wine to relax!

I will say that just writing this blog today gives me a feeling of relief. 

4 days P/people, FOUR DAYS!!!

--kitten for Sir

Special Delivery!

So, kitten was at work when the doorbell rang (we have a doorbell instead of a receptionist - much less complicated-lol). 

Hmmm...numerous packages for kitten.  But kitten never gets packages - what could they be?  kitten did not order anything...

Like a kid on Christmas, kitten rips open the packages with such wonder in her eyes - how exciting!

WUWU:  special deliveries from SirW!  Since He will be visiting next week, He decided to send His kitten beautiful and sexy gifts, such as body stockings, restraints, role-playing outfits-giggle, nipple clamps and much much more!  WOW...this is awesome and made my excitement and anticipation for His visit that more more intense, if that was even possible!

So, of course kitten just had to give SirW a fashion show (via skype)!  kitten played some awesome music and proceeded to try on all the things He sent me and let me tell Y/yo, He has the best taste!  It's also wonderful that everything fit (like a glove).  This is because SirW, in the very beginning of O/our relationship, took all my measurements: wrists, bust, waist, neck.  He is so extraordinary, always so thoughtful and unpredictable!  i never used to get excited when the company doorbell rang, BUT NOW i DO!!!

*smiles like a very satisfied sub*

p.s. kitten miscalculated the number of days (lol) as she (me) was too excited!  He arrives a week from tomorrow, so say it with me now:

E  I  G  H  T  !  !  !  !  !  !  !  !

Meow,

--kitten for Sir

NINE!!!

There are many things kitten appreciates about her Sir and His creativity when it comes to His kitten's training as a new submissive.  His inventive ways have me always guessing and make Him utterly unpredictable.  The time and energy He puts into His kitten's training amazes me.  From the daily rituals He has me do in the mornings (which vary day to day), to the Word Tasks He gives me on an almost daily basis:  this is when he gives me 3 words to use in a sentence with 3 different people in 3 different conversations...and let me tell Y/you, sometimes these words are REALLY hard.  Take today's for example: PENIS, STRAP-ON & G-SPOT...i mean, come on (lol)...i work in a semi conservative environment, so when the words were GENIUS, BELIEF and ASTONISHMENT, it was a breeze to use *giggles* and there was only one word in the entire history of these assignments that i blanked and did not complete my task...the word was GORILLA and i just got stumped.  p.s. i used one of the words on Sir today (lol) and told Him how i was looking forward to sucking His PENIS *cackle*

One thing that i have found helpful, as well as entertaining (and erotic) is the reading W/we will do to E/each O/other over skype (He told me this will be done in person, when He gets here - YEY!).  By the way, the book Conquer me by Kacie Cunningham is a book i cannot say enough about (Thank you Kacie!!!) and highly recommend to E/every Dom and sub's reading list. 

There are so many other things He thinks about as a Dom that i am left truly flabbergasted at how He puts it all together.  BUT...kitten is going to get her chance to find out - well at least get a taste of it, Y/you see, He told me a while back that one day, W/we were going to have a day where W/we did a D/s role reversal - now please understand that He is not a switch, nor am i and this was something that He brought up in order to not only have fun, but to give me a chance to understand what He goes through as a Dom and to give Him a chance to see how i feel as His submissive. 

This is something W/we plan to execute on one of the days He is here (Nine Days!!! OMG).  Now some of Y/you might be thinking it's time to be a controlling person, but i have plans to be a good Dom *grins evilly* to my sub...no seriously, it will be my turn to give Him the greatest pleasure He has ever had to try and show Him how extraordinary my life as His sub has truly been.  i am not going to go into detail about my plans for this D/s role reversal day, but i have been researching and planning for weeks now, as i want it to be a special time for Him, my sub *laughs hard*

Originally, He wanted this to be a full day, but i admitted that i could not take being in control for that long and that i would go nuts not having Him Dominate me for too long...so W/we agreed on noon to 6pm and even that is way too long, but kitten will deal with it *smiles like a she-devil*  Honestly, kitten is looking forward to getting this done and over with and back to the way it was meant to be, the way W/we were meant to be, but i know it will give me a new perspective on how much He does to actively Dominate me, which is something i crave from Him.

More to follow tomorrow, but for now...SAY IT WITH ME NOW:

N  I  N  E  !  !  !  !  !  !  !  !  !

kitten for Sir

T E N ! ! ! ! !

...what a glorious week W/we spent together, Sir and i.  i remember O/our last day together...it was April 3rd, a sunny day...

Sir decided that i could take Him and His fellow soldier to the airport to say good bye, but i was to drop them off at the curb and drive off to make it easier on O/our hearts.  As the morning went by in slow motion, my heart was beating fast, my breath sporadic, my emotions choking me, knowing He was leaving and i would remain...

...thoughts of the whole week flashed by in my mind, so many memories W/we created in that short time together.  W/we trained a little, but mostly the week was spent...just being with each other.  W/we took the dogs for walks, W/we had dinners, W/we saw an exciting show, W/we went dancing, W/we walked all over the place, sometimes at night, other times in the bright, hot desert sun.  W/we made passionate love together, W/we devoured E/each O/other in lustful moments where O/our bodies begged to join together.  W/we showered and He took His kitten when and where He wanted, as she belonged to Him.  W/we took a candle lit bubble bath with wine in hand, laughter streaming from the steamy bathroom.  He massaged my entire body with oil when i wasn't feeling well.  W/we swam together at the pool, under a cascading waterfall and slept together, waking up to each other's faces.  He captured me completely, and i gave myself completely.  It was heaven on Earth to B/both of U/us...

So much had happened, and all of it told U/us that W/we were meant to be together, and there W/we were...driving to the airport - i could hardly breathe, knowing He would soon be gone...

i pulled over to the curb and got out, He got out and the other soldier got out and started gathering their bags...

The other soldier gave me a look like He knew i was trying to keep it together and came towards me for a hug goodbye, and that's when i lost it and the tears spilled down my face uncontrollably without sound, just streaming, stinging my blushed cheeks.  Then, i turned towards Him and He came to me and pulled me tight against His body and i knew He could feel me tremble from within.  He kissed me with all the passion He had as i sobbed, kissing Him back with everything i had.  Then, He pulled slightly away and gazed deeply into my eyes and mouthed the words i longed to know..."I Love You."  It was as if i was in a dream, caught between reality and fantasy...

And then He and His fellow soldier slipped away into the airport and i back into my car and drove off.  It was then that the weeping began.  kitten was not weeping in sadness, but in contentment, for she had found love again...and maybe for the first time, for never had she felt this way towards anyone.  The fire, longing, yearning, lustful need to please and obey His every command, all the while treating me like a lady, always making sure i knew how He felt...

And now, the countdown begins again.  Tomorrow makes 10 days until His arrival to see His kitten again, only this time W/we fully belong to E/each O/other.  The love and passion W/we've shared since January 27th will be realized in O/our Eternity Ceremony of the Roses on O/our 6th month anniversary, and i am filled with so many emotions, as i am sure He is too.

O/our vows have been written, the witness, time and place have been chosen.  Neither of U/us were looking for what W/we found, but W/we recognize how special O/our union is, like 2 souls that have always been together and will always be together from a past life, to this life, to the next, ingrained W/we are.

And so, i proudly yell, with all my might the first number in the countdown, as i will each day until the day arrives that O/our lips press against E/each O/other again...

T E N ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 

--kitten for Sir

Will You?

Will You swim with me in the dark of night?
Will You laugh with me in the morning light?

Will You walk with me in the Autumn breeze?
Will You Dominate me as i fall to my knees?

Will You love me as the years go by?
Will You wipe my tears when i need to cry?

Will You let me worship, please and obey?
Will You think of me lovingly throughout Your day?

Will You dance with me in a warm sunny rain?
Will You rejoice with me through the pleasure and pain?

--kitten for Sir

13 Days...

...and as the moment draws nearer, she can hardly control her lustful thoughts.  Thoughts of being His good girl, and His bad girl have her aching sex drip with nectar. 

13 days, she thinks...as her mind, body and soul aches for Him.

13 days until He is with her again.  13 days until His hand reddens the ass that which belongs to Him.  13 days until the pulling of her hair by His fingers clenched tightly in her hair.  13 days until His blue eyes pierce her green eyes.  13 days until His mouth devours her lips, His tongue makes itself at home within her mouth and dances with her tongue.  13 days until she can kneel before Him in submission.  13 days until she can kiss every inch of the body she worships, from the crown of His head to the souls of His feet (and everything in between).  13 days until He takes her in every way possible, including the caressing of her heart, which beats only for Him.  13 days until He feeds her His seed of eternity, which she will lap up and savor like a starving baby, sucking fervently, not leaving one droplet to waste.  13 days until He holds her in His arms.  13 days until He declares His love for her once again and she to Him. 

13 days she thinks...as she trembles with the longing that has consumed her thoughts and fantasies.

13 days until harmony and unity bind us in O/our ceremony of the Roses, where His training collar will be replaced with a permanent Eternity collar with nature and friends as O/our witnesses.

13 days she thinks...until she can wake up next to Him and smile!

Flawless?!

Most of my posts are positive and happy, but there are moments that anxiety creeps in...

Before i met my Sir, i spent many years wanting to have a certain figure.  It isn't that i find myself not sexy with the figure i have, but i have a different idea of what i think is flawless versus what my Sir thinks is flawless.  i am grateful that my body type is the type of body that He finds flawless.  W/we are two separate people with two brains that are unique and will have a difference of opinion and i want to be able to view myself without taking away from His view of me, but it's not easy...

He will be coming for a visit in 15 days, and believe me when i say that i am beyond excited.  W/we have made so many wonderful plans, including the collaring ceremony.  i also look forward to the spankings He owes me (well over 200!), the flogging, the paddling, the nipple-clamping and pegging, the oh-so-dreamt of hair pulling, not to mention the touching, rubbing, caressing, kissing, sucking, fucking, etc. *bites lower lip*

Sir has told me over and over He wants me to see myself as He sees me, and i want to...so badly, but i seem to stand in my own way when it comes to my body.  In fact, He has had me sit in front of a full length mirror in self reflection.  He has told me all the things He sees in me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and i don't doubt for a second that He finds all of me delicious.  In no way do i feel He is trying to be patronizing or anything less than honest about how attractive and sexy He finds me.  i feel damn sexy - sexier than i have my whole life honestly, but W/we are all a work in progress...for me, i would love to be more toned and muscular so that these outfits make me feel as hot as Sir finds me.

i have always been a big-boned girl, especially since i was raised around Asian people and they have typically been tiny people that i have towered over. 

It's not that i feel fat, no, that's not how i feel, but when He calls me petite, it really makes me giggle inside.  i am 5 feet 7 inches tall, size 14, with a size 10 shoes and actually size 10 finger (ring size) and while there is nothing i can do about the feet or hands, i can do something about my size. 

Clothes look pretty good on me - hell i feel sexy in and out of the clothes i where, BUT being new to this lifestyle, the "slutty" clothes give me a self conscious feeling, as my curves are more obvious to me when i wear them.  It has taken me a while to overlook the pockets of flesh that pop when i get roped in bondage. *smiles* Please know that i do not want to be a stick figure with bones protruding out or anything too tooth-picky...

Above all else though, i want to please my Sir, so i know that this issue is mine and something i need to overcome.  After all, if Sir drools over me in a slutty outfit, does it matter if i feel like it would look better if i were the size i wished i were?

i need to let go of what my opinion of flawless is and allow myself to see myself as He sees me, and this is what i am working on...i just wanted to get this out there to all the others that might be struggling with this or something image related.

One of Sir's rules is, "i will Serve, Worship, Obey, Please and Love my Dom unconditionally" and that encompasses a lot, so i will do my best to overcome my own limitations of my brain n order to grow on my submissive journey!

--kitten for Sir

Are Y/you VANILLA???

Oh, i am sooooo VANILLA B/baby!!!

V-voluptuious
A-arousing
N-naughty
I-intoxicating
L-lovely
L-lickable
A-asstastic !

                  *grins evilly*

Happy Purrrrsday!

--kitten for Sir

Journal Found (JAN 27, 2011: the day W/we met)

Not sure if i mentioned this, but i kept a journal from the 1st day i met SirW, but it was handwritten and got lost along the way somewhere.  i knew one day it would be recovered, and that day is today!

JAN 27, 2011:
It's Thursday evening.  Feeling more alive than ever - more free to be who I was and destined to be, but only if I step outside my comfort zone, remove previous limitations & push myself to take chances.

For years now, I've wanted things I denied myself. I wanted a new & fresh beginning where I redefined my life, made goals & determinations.

I dusted off my dreams & started to move toward them.....

So, it's Thursday night & I decide I am going to drastically change my style.  I posted a pic of a hot young blond (as seen in the picture to the right -->) on Facebook and asked for opinions on cutting and coloring (my hair has been long and brown & conservative for decades) funky blond to look on the outside how I am feeling on the inside.

After a few responses, I noticed a friend of a friend click the "LIKE" button.



**************
BACK STORY:
**************

I have always been a strong person.  I work hard at maintaining all aspects of my life.  You might say I have control over myself & my environment, or at least say I'm in tune with it/them.

But recently, towards the end of my marriage, I realized I had very submissive tendencies.  I researched the Internet with the assistance of a friend who once lived the D/s lifestyle.  This person and I role-played a little, look at D/s porn sites and it really opened my mind to a lifestyle that appealed to me.

****************************
BACK TO THURSDAY NIGHT:
****************************
I decided to check out the person who checked "LIKE" and was pleasantly surprised to see a handsome gentleman.  Intrigued, I sent him a private message to let him know that pic was not me, but some hot blond & I could be her mother.  He said via reply on FB a few minutes later that he knew, but he look at my pics and found me attractive too *smiley face*

We sent private messages back and forth for about 2 hours!  Time seemed to have stopped!  He was so attentive and responsive & after cybering with 1/2 dozen or so young men (too young and immature), along with the one man that I was no longer interested in, this interaction with a confident, yet sensitive adult was sooooo refreshing! *smiley face*
--kitten for Sir

WET Anticipation!

This morning, Sir's tasks felt more delicious than previous mornings, as the anticipation of His visit this month is eating away at my core.  The anticipation is almost too much to handle.  Uncontrollable smiling and laughter, as though someone just told a joke, but i am alone in my apartment.  my dogs must think me crazy, and they'd be right:  crazy in love!

So, the task for this morning was to spend 15 minutes with my favorite butterfly nipple clamps as shown in this picture (the exact ones...they are painful and remind me i belong to Him, not that i need any reminders!), insert my white balls into His pussy and the small butt plug into His ass (lol) and read Beauty's Punishment (Anne Rice-book 2 of 3 series).  Additional instructions were:  If i had time and the desire, i was allowed to play and release...


If i had time?  That's funny!


By the time the 15 minutes of reading with all the above in place, along with the anticipation of Sir's visit, i was ready to explode, and after just a minute or two, i did exactly that!


kitten took a short hot bubble bath and got dressed.  While walking my dogs, i thought back to the words of my Sir: "kitten, all your openings belong to me, i will take them any time i want" and i know He knows that i crave Him taking everything i have over and over relentlessly.  One of His rules is never to be passive and always aggressive when interacting with Him, and let me tell Y/you, i am so going to find it easy to obey that one: prrrrrrr/growlllll (lol)!


After the walking of my dogs, i got back to my apartment and went to apply my favorite body lotion (Pomegranate by Hemp) and noticed that my panties were soaking wet, so much so that i had to change them.  The anticipation of being with Sir has such an amazing effect on me, unlike anything i have ever known, and i fucking love it (excuse my language)!


Have a great day E/everyone!


--kitten for Sir