Trying to focus

Try as i may to concentrate and focus on the task at hand, i find my mind wandering towards the pain and pleasure Master brings to my life.  Thoughts of being flogged, whipped, caned and more are holding my lustful brain hostage.  Thoughts of love, tenderness, romantic sweetness also fill me with glee. 

Being kitten, having the best of both Non-vanilla and vanilla in my life, along with a delicate balance of the rest of my world (work, religion, family, friends, hobbies) makes my life truly extraordinary.  i recognize how blessed i am and plan to cherish and nurture all of it.

*hugs*

kitten{SirW}

Past, Present, Future

Wow, the days are going by so quickly, which is a good thing because Master and i will be together before the year has ended *cheers* i just wanted to share with Y/you A/all the latest task Master had me complete because i feel it was significant to me...

He asked me to write a short report that talked about who i was in the past, who i am now and who i see myself being in the future.  Master assigns self-reflection tasks periodically, so that i am constantly aware of where i came from and my growth as a woman and as His submissive.  Each time i complete these tasks, i see myself and a proud feeling warms over me. 

i love telling A/all of Y/you about SirW and how He touches my life in so many ways, but He wants me to know and feel how much i bring to His world.  The communication exchange W/we have is amazing in that i never have to wonder how He is feeling and visa-versa.

i would like to encourage all the submissives to take a look at their Past, Present & Future and realize how much growth there has been.  W/we are and will forever be a work-in-progress, but it is good to measure how far W/we've come with self-reflection tasks - thank You Master!

May Y/your dreams become reality as mine continue to manifest in my life,

kitten{SirW}

Purrrrrectly Submissive!

Today has been so submissively wonderful!!!  Master had me insert my BenWa balls and walk my dogs and keep them in until i got to work *smiles* Then at noon, His instructions were to insert the large butt plug into His ass for an hour, but after 30 minutes, i texted Him and told Him it was extremely uncomfortable and made me feel crampy, so He allowed me to take it out and instead, i was to clamp His nipples with my favorite butterfly clamps for 20 minutes, which i loved!  Then an hour or so later, His text came in to have me clamp again for 15 minutes.  i never know if/when His next text will come, but i am a ready kitten!  Oh, and on the way home, the BenWa balls go back in - what a purrrrfectly submissive day at work! *giggles*

kitten{SirW}

Eeeew! Grosss!

So...SirW and i have been together for over a year now.  Most of O/our time is spent on skype due to the soon-to-be-nonexistent distance.  Every few months, He visits me or i visit Him.  Things are fucking fantastic i tell Y/you!!!

Last night, SirW reassured me that my Blogspot was a place i could post about anything, be it good, bad, rants, complaints about Him, anything...and it got me thinking about a subject i have thought about on occasion, but feel it's silly to bring up, but here goes:

Before i get there (lol), let me just say that since meeting SirW, my self esteem, which i thought was just fine, improved a great deal.  Most of it had to do with my self image: how i see myself.  When W/we first got together, i could not believe a Man so gorgeous from head to toe, inside and out would be interested in me, when He could have any woman He wanted.  This goes beyond outer appearances, but HOLY SHIT is He unbelievably beautiful: His face is so handsome and masculine, with His hard jaw and piercing blue eyes.  His body, whoa...no i mean WHOA!  i never saw a 6-pack abs up close and personal and i am convinced that 'Once you go 6-pack, you never go back!"  The muscles He posseses all over, the tattoos, His dressing style - all of it is so incredible that i felt undeserving in the beginning.  Slowly, He worked on how i see myself and eventually, the fact that i was not perfect, but perfect for Him.  i possessed the qualities that turned Him on:  my body, my face, my dark hair (He had always dated blonds) and my personality.  i am all the things He had seen in several women, all wrapped up in one woman:  me.  i have come along way - i feel insanely sexy all the time.  i feel so pretty, petite (this was hard for me to see) and all feminine!

i enjoy preparing His/my body for Him.  i bathe i the morning and each night.  i use beautifully fragranced bath salts, oils, soaps and bubbles.  i brush my teeth, gums and tongue thoroughly.  i apply make up, fix my hair, apply rouge to my nipples and cunt lips in most cases (now).  All this just to see Him on skype?  Yes, for it is now a habit that i will continue to do when W/we are finally living together.

Now then, on to the part that got this post its title (Eeeew!  Grosss!):

You see, there are certain things that a couple will go through on the way to their eternity (lol).  One of them is farting - OK, i said it, yes farting!  And furthermore, how about going Pooh - OK, i said it, yes Pooh!  i do try to wait until there's a washroom available when W/we are out and about, but there are moments when 'it' just won't wait.  How can i possibly fart or stink up the washroom still feel pretty?  W/we've joked about it a little.  He told me to tell Him, "Don't go into that washroom for 10 minutes, if You know what's good for You."  i thought about making a sign that says, "Nothng happened in here, but i would not enter unless You have a gas mask."  But that would be rather obvious, so how do i overcome this issue and not be totally embarrassed if/when it happens?

i bring this up now because i am on a new diet.  It's called Isagenix and involves cleansing and fat burning.  Anyway, i had not gone # 2 in quite a few days...until this afternoon.  It wasn't a bowl-full, but OH MY GAWD did it stink like something had died back in the 80's!!!

i just always want His image of me to stay the way it is and not be tainted, if Y/you will...

*whew* glad i got that off my chest.  By now, Y/you have realized that i have a vile sense of humor and am not afraid to show it *wink*

Have a harmonious day A/all!

kitten{SirW}

Disguised!

As i sit here at my vanilla desk at my vanilla job, i realize my life as a submissive is in disguise.  The kinky things that run through my mind have no place in my office and in the conversations of my coworkers, even though i like them...they just wouldn't understand and would most likely be fearful for me (LOL).  The thing is, i am so proud of being submissive and the lifestyle that comes with it, that it just sucks to have to keep this part of me locked up and not shared.  i will continue to hide it, but i just wanted to state that it sucks that people are offended and disgusted by the kink in the world...perhaps they are repressed and unable to express their own kink?

That's all, just a small rant *smiles*

kitten{SirW}

You Sadistic Bastard!

i don't normally call my loving Dom a Sadistic Bastard, so allow me to explain...

Even though He is not a Sadist and i am not a masochist, there's a bit of these qualities in U/us, and in most D/s couples.  Also, i must defer to RULE # 3: "Pain and Pleasure shall be with me always - in my thoughts and in my fantasies."

i never know what will take place on skype, which is part of the excitement of being with SirW: He keeps things fresh and exciting and ever changing.  That is not to say W/we are not consistent - W/we are totally consistent, but when it comes to my submissive training, He finds ways to push me beyond my comfort zone and stimulate not only my body, but my mind as well.  He calls this mind training, "Mind-Fuck 101" and i find it very interesting when this training takes place.

When i am given the choice of pleasure or pain, why do i not make the easy choice of pleasure when i am not masochistic?  i will tell Y/you why:  because the pain (and evidence of the pain - i.e. marks, bruises, etc.) lasts longer than the pleasure or comfort, if Y/you will.

So there W/we were last night on skype, when SirW has me peg (with clothes pegs) His nipples.  Then He has me unpeg them and turn them the other way and repeg.  He has me do this over and over.  He then tells me that my safeword will not be allowed with this exercise and if want this to stop, i need to shout out, "YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!"

Does it hurt worse and worse each time i peg and repeg alternating the way the peg fits crushing His nipples from flat to flat-the-other-way?  HELL YES!  Do i call Him a Sadistic Bastard?  Not right away i don't, and this is what amazes me.  My desire to please Him and take as much as i possibly can, even bring myself to tears, overrides my desire to ease the pain.  His desire comes before mine in other words.

Finally, the pain becomes so great that i call out, "YOU SADISTIC BASTARD!!!" and SirW laughs His ass off!  After the pain subsided, i laughed too.  i love laughing with Him - W/we have so much fun together!

Sir, thank You, You Sadistic Bastard!!!  **giggles**

kitten{SirW}

Impromtu text

One of the many things i love about my Dom, is that He is is unpredictable.  That is not to say that He is not consistent - He is the most consistent person i have ever met.  He gives me daily tasks that keep my mind and body submissively stimulated.  Then there are the surprise tasks...SirW and i both work and are focused on what is going on at all times, but i can feel His thoughts of me throughout the day, every day.  He makes being a Dom seem so easy, when i know that it involves a ton of planning and energy towards their sub.  The relationship began over a year ago, but the excitement has never diminished - i always know how He feels and He knows me like no one else ever has...better than myself!

So...i just got a text message: "Butterfly Nipple Clamps, starting at 2pm for 10 minutes, then every hour on the hour for 10 minutes."

My heart began to race, my mouth formed a huge grin, my eyes are sparkling (and my nipples are killing me!), as i am typing this post during my first 10 minutes of wearing the clamps.

SirW always finds ways to engage my mind, body, heart and soul with D/s, allowing me to live the lifestyle, not just practice it when it is convenient, but always. 

RULE # 2: "I am Always in submission to my Dom"

i am so lucky to have a Dom who was born to be a firm, but loving Dom who practices Active Domination.  i can be a handful, but He never makes me feel like what he does is difficult.  Rather, He lets me know that he gains such satisfaction and fulfillment in being my Dom and loving Partner in life.

Now, if i may be excused, it's time to remove the clamps! ***giggles***

kitten{SirW}

Day-Dreaming

As the Sun sets over the desert sands, clouds of sienna, crimson and magenta Dominate the sky as it begins to fade into night.  i close my eyes and my mind drifts towards thoughts of His hands all over me, His crystal-blue piercing eyes see through to my soul.  i lean my head back and tilt it to the left as memories of His succulent lips take mine deeply, passionately and without a care in the world.  i hunger to be pulled over His knee and spanked with intense need to give me what His submissive kitten so craves and with each sting, my ass raises for the next, hoping it falls without hesitation, and the next, and the next.  My nipples harden, as i imagine pretty little clamps crushing them, sending erotic signals down to His cunt.  How i long to have my limbs bound, unable to move, safe, secure, elated and dripping wet.  Thoughts slowly wander off to His Twenty-Falls caressing my skin, dancing between pleasure and pain, lust and love, tears of joy to satisfy all my desires of SirW and i being together.  Skin glistening in the moonlight, hearts beating hard, breath panting like animals as He and i merge - crash  into each other’s bodies in every way, for hours until there’s nothing left but our dreams…

The Best of me

  As i stare out my window at the painted desert landscape, passed the dazzle of the city, to the mountains, i am reminded of SirW’s first trip to see His kitten *sigh* One of the things W/we did was drive to a place called Red Rock.  It was windy, but warm and sunny.  i wore nothing on my face but my freckles and a smile, as i knew W/we were falling in love.  All the memories W/we created together this past year have meant he world to me. 

My submissive journey with SirW has opened up a new and exciting chapter in my life, one that has changed me forever.  The appreciation and gratitude i have gained for my loving Dom wells up within my heart and pours out of me, like the brightness and warmth of the Sun.  His Domination, His energy, His love has made me a complete and whole being and i will forever be grateful to Him for everything that he is.  He knows me like no other and brings out the very best in me.  i never imagined loving anyone so completely, so deeply and yet i have a full grasp on who i am and allowed to be myself, not losing any part me.  This is important, because in so many relationships, people tend to compromise so much, that they sometimes compromise who they are all together…this is unhealthy.   Being lost in love is one thing.  i am talking about feeling free to be present in your own life.  Being engaged and participating in your daily life, maintaining a balance is a beautiful thing.  Having a Partner who allows you, and even helps you to have this balance is extraordinary.  This is what i have found with SirW and plan on giving Him the best of me in return.

(just had to share my joy today!)

kitten{SirW}

A submissive's vow

There i was, a seed in the ground of existence, growing into what would become a flower in the garden of life, my soil strong, drinking in all the things i would need to bloom one day…then i met You and with Your nourishment, i began to grow in ways i never imagined possible, my petals started showing signs of brilliant color, my fragrance began to permeate my environment and as quoted by Anais Nin: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." And so i did - and so W/we did, and what happened was miraculous, W/we found love. The love W/we share means more to me than all the treasures of this Earth! 

The vow i make is to honor and obey You as Your submissive kitten, to cherish and love You as Your woman and to live the vow of Honesty, Respect, Trust and Obedience to You, for You are the half that makes me whole.  i give myself to You: my submission, my heart, my body, my soul.  i’ve always  belonged to You, from lifetime to lifetime...to this life, as i will in the next for all eternity.

Sir, i love You!

kitten{SirW}

Vibrant - Liquid - Indigo

Last night before SirW and i signed off from skype, He assigned me the next mornings task of a detailed 15 minutes.  He typically gives me three words for the recurring Daily Word Task for each week day, but this time decided He would have me pick the words from my morning 15 minutes task.

Before i get to that, i want to interject that one of the things SirW and i both enjoy is reading.  He reads His own books, i read mine, W/we read some aloud together (over skype) and sometimes He will send book gifts to my kindle (the kindle He lovingly got me for my last birthday).  i like the book gift in particular, because it is usually a book He has read that He enjoyed and wanted share with His kitten.  Earlier in the day, SirW sent a book gift to my kindle...not a BDSM book, but a vanilla-type book about a Lady and a Knight, a very romantic book.

Now then, on to my task:

For my 15 minutes, i was to take 2 clothes pegs, my small butt plug, the Hitachi Magic Wand and the "O-Gag" harness and place it in front of me, as i sat naked in submission position in front of the full length mirror.  i was to read the new book and select 3 words from the book to use during the course of my day in 3 conversations with 3 different people.  Every now and then, i was to glance at the items placed before me and think about who is controlling me and ask myself if i thought to have these things if SirW and i were not to have met.

i did just that...

Within the book, one of the main characters set out to describe a stranger she had come across in her own castle, a Knight she did not know...i suspect one that she will later fall in love with, if the falling had not already begun.  She described the eyes as being 'Vibrant' 'Liquid' 'Indigo' and as i thought about these words, something stirred within me.  Though SirW's eyes are not the color of indigo, i could tell the feeling she had when describing her vision of his eyes was something i had known myself.  The first time i looked into SirW's eyes in person, just two months after W/we met, i was stunned at the intensity of His eyes.  They are a crystal blue and one has a fleck of hazel green in it...the stare He gave me before He cupped my face in His hands and kissed me deeply melted me into a puddle on the airport carpet.  i think that was the moment i knew my life would never be the same.

To answer His question about the items that laid before me as i read, No...i never thought such things would be in my possession, nor did i imagine my life would open up into a world of such a balance of D/s and eternal love.  i never dreamt that my life would include all the toys i now keep in my drawer that i treasure and have attached fond memories to.  Never did i think my life would be so enriched with a Man such as SirW, nor did i know i would become the submissive i have always been, the submissive that was dormant waiting to manifest itself with SirW.

Each day, i cherish these tasks, i cherish the commitment and energy SirW pours into me, i cherish my life as it is, which includes all the good and bad from my past as well as the promise of a bright future.

May Y/your dreams manifest into reality as mine has,

kitten{SirW}

The Yearning

i sit with the yearning,

desperately burning
 

inside
 

For His touch,
 

i miss Him so much
 

i want to close my eyes and
 

breathe in His scent
 

Open my mouth and
 

taste His passion
 

i need to feel
 

the pleasure and pain
 

pour down on me
 

like rain
 

wash away my longing

ACTIVE Domination!

i've lived alone now for nearly a year since my divorce...my apartment is so purrrfect!  It has all the qualities i prayed for prior to finding it.  i furnished it with all new furniture and artwork, new dishes, glasses and silverware, new towels, etc. i created a look and feel of the style i always liked, but never had the opportunity to express until now.  Over this past year, i have tried to keep the apartment clean and polished...Dom ready, if Y/you will, but there are moments where i let things slide a little.  My clothes will pile up without laundry being done, dishes sit in the sink, mail does not get filed, etc. 

SirW helps me keep things nice by using some D/s techniques, like if my closet (and the clothes) is not in good condition (nothing on the floor, laundry done), then there will be a WHISTLE DRILL.  This means that He will blow His whistle and tell me exactly what clothes to put on..could be a hat, one shoe, one boot, a scarf, a t-shirt, a sweater, pants and a skirt, gloves and return to the computer.  Then the next whistle blows and the outfit changes until i have gone through my entire wardrobe, which means the closet will be much worse than before the drill...guess what?  My closet got cleaned real quick! 

***giggles***

The thing is...i LOVE it!  Why?  Because i expressed the desire for assistance with a bad habit i possess, and SirW makes sure my issue gets corrected...this is a form of ACTIVE Domination.  There is a big difference between punishment and correction.  i submit this issue to Him and He dominates me into a resolution - how awesome is this?  It's AWESOME!  He also helps me with other things, like my less-than-purrfect relationship with my Mother.  He helps me stay calm and look at the bigger picture.  She is my Mother and if it weren't for her, He would not have the love of His life (me), He says - how sweet is that?  It's SWEET!

i guess what i want to relay is that i am feeling' good about the balance i have going on in my life.  Balance is not an easy thing to achieve, but if we submissives trust our Dom to assist with it, it can be achieved

***smiles***

i am truly blessed!

kitten{SirW}