kitten hears her Sir's voice

The task for Sunday was to collar and read for 30 minutes.  kitten was given permission to play and release as many times as i desired all day Sunday and here's how it went:

i awake to the distant sound of birds singing outside my patio.  i slip out of bed, naked, and walk to the patio and slide the door open wide, careful not to let the neighbors see my body.  The air is cool, the sky is blue and the wind is strong enough to hear through the birds.  i step away from the door and walk towards my computer table and reach for His training collar, take a few steps to the middle of the room, kneel down into the submissive position and offer the collar up high above my head, my eyes looking to the floor and i wait...

My Sir is not here, but i wait.  i wait until the soft spoken words of my Sir enter my mind and say, "OK kitten, put the collar on."  So i place it tight around my neck and close the clasp and place my hands open-faced on my knees and wait...

My Sir is not here, but i wait.  i wait until the soft spoken words of my Sir enter my mind and say, "OK kitten come sit with me."  So i move to the chair and hear Him say, "Now be a good girl and complete your morning task,"  So i grab the book He assigned me to read (The second book of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty series) and walk to the bedroom, open the drawer filled with toys, grab the pink vibrator and laid down.  i turn the vibrator on and open the book and start reading, periodically hearing His voice say, "Good girl" or 'Good little kitten" and this pleases me and makes me wet with desire.

After about 15 minutes, kitten is soaking wet and slips the vibrator inside her and moans, thinking about what she is reading, and she hears His voice say, "That's a good girl" and this makes my passion grow stronger. 

Another 10 minutes go by, still reading, i hear His voice say, "OK kitten, i want you to picture your Sir inside you" and i hear Him say, "whose pussy am I taking?" and i say out loud, "Yours Sir" and i hear Him say, "who do you belong to, kitten?" and i say out loud, "You Sir!" and i hear Him say, "Good girl, now come hard for Me and it will please Me" and with that, kitten screams out the name, "Siirrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!" and feels her body release and pulsate violently, my whole body quivering, chills making the hair on my arms stand up and allow it to course through me, each wave making His face appear as though He is on top of me, smiling at me and i hear Him say, "I love you kitten."

What a way to start the day, eh?!

**giggles**

kitten for Sir

Need versus Want!

OK, this post must start out with a big thanks to DV!  One of His posts 
(called: Out Of the Shadows And Into The Light ) really hit home for kitten, as it talks about when a submissive has a moment where a lightbulb goes off in her head and she realizes that she has gone from wanting and learning to be submissive to needing and being submissive, needing her Dom's Dominance and being consumed by the feeling of submission and all it brings to her life, making it everything that makes her...well, her.

Let me explain a little...

Sure, my Sir and i miss each other immensely, after all W/we are in love with E/eachother, but this transcends beyond love and the normal relationship plateaus...

The other day, my Sir began His kitten's training with the telling me what He wants me to go bring (i.e. ropes, vibrators, clamps, etc. - some W/we will use, some He will just have in front of me to give me a certain feeling - there is always a method to His madness).  He told me to clamp my nipples and run  a small piece of rope through the two side rings of His kitten's Training Collar, which i did without hesitation.  Then He had me lay the vibrator between my legs in front of me and said kitten was to pull the rope until my nipples were turned upwards and i felt pain and hold there until either the pain was too great, my arms got too tired, or i wanted to pleasure myself with the vibrator...

kitten felt perplexed and asked Sir, "Why would kitten not just go for the vibrator if that was one of her choices?"  But He said that was a good question and one only i could answer...

As kitten held the ropes and the pain grew and grew, i felt so strange and wondered to myself why i preferred to stick with the pain...i stuck with it and stuck with it, not allowing myself the pleasure that was easily had if i chose to have it.  Why???

Sometimes, a post from a favorite blogger will smack me upside the head and something inside me starts to make sense as it gets expressed in that person's blog and this happened when i read DV's blog...

The reason i stuck with the pain is this:  pleasure comes and goes, whereas the pain lingers around for a while after things are done, reminding me that i am His, that He Dominates me, that i am completely and hopelessly lost in kitten's submission to Sir, that He owns me and that kitten belongs to Him in every way. 

To kittten, this is simply Delicious!

OK, kitten admits it:  she NEEDS her Sir, His Dominance, my submission to Him, His love, His control over me...all of it!  Just realizing this makes me feel calm and the feelings that have been building in me have found a place to rest - they rest in knowing things are as they should be!

kitten is sooo happy!--kitten for Sir

Here Without You

kitten has always loved this song, but it has a deep and special meaning for B/both Sir and kitten...
Here are the lyrics:

A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that I saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

And I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate

Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'

As the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life is overrated

But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

And when the last one falls

When it's all said and done

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

The connection between Sir and kitten is so strong that it is sometimes torture to be so far away from Him.  Don't get me wrong - kitten is grateful for skype, but there are moments...intimate moments during O/our training sessions where i feel so vulnerable and just wish i could be in His arms, feeling His touch, His caress, the...Aftercare.  He does spend a lot of time [with me] before, during and after O/our training sessions, and texts me during the day when He can and the surprise phone calls always put a huge smile on kitten's face, but the pull to be in His presence is sometimes hard to deal with to be honest.

It has now been about 4 months since Sir and i began O/our D/s journey together.  He is always changing things up and therefore, W/we are always evolving.  It is evident that He takes time to plan my training and He uses creativity in keeping my mind expanding and my submissive core growing.  Whereas things are consistent, things are not predictable.  He is a breath of fresh air.  He is a cool drink of water on a hot summers day.  He satisfies my hunger for love and lust.  O/our relationship is highly enjoyable and satisfying, and yet...

Mornings like this morning, when there is silence, when only the sound of the birds singing outside, the wind that blows in the sky, the busy noises of technology humming around my apartment seem to get louder and louder as kitten reflects on her life and how she wishes...so many things...and all of it...starts with being in His presence.

However, the fact of the matter is: O/our relationship, both vanilla and non-vanilla is so powerful and rewarding, that kitten would rather suffer with the yearning, longing and the loneliness i feel at times than to be without Him. kitten cannot imagine a life without Sir...it is unimaginable!

Tonight, another skype dinner, but this time, kitten will be fully clothed....why, you wonder?  His children will be eating with U/us - this is sooo lovely, i can hardly wait!  i will not mention His children much in my blogs in order to keep this about Sir and kitten, but i will say that they are sweet, smart and very good kids that i care about very much!

All in all, when it comes right down to it, kitten has never been this happy with life in general, so i will march on with my head held high, proud to be His submissive, His woman, His kitten!

*smiles bright with her eyes*

kitten for Sir

CHALLENGED!

Yesterday, Sir challenged kitten to go to a sex shop with my new Training Collar on (it would represent my first experience with it on in public) and ask the clerk if they had anything with the name/word "kitten" on it.


This thought sat with me all night - i could not wait to meet this challenge!  i went to a very ritzy and exclusive adult store called "Love Jones" and asked the clerk if they had anything with the name/word "kitten" on it and was told "no."  The clerk, named Angelica, asked me if it was a brand and i told her, "No, it's my submissive name given to me from my Dom that i refer to as "Sir."  i said this with the utmost confidence and pride in my eyes and voice.  Angelica's smile and widened eyes relayed her delight at the whole situation.


I made a sign that says "kitten for Sir" and took it with me, so i could get a picture taken for added excitement, held by clothes pin *wink*!





--kitten for Sir

kitten's Training Collar!

-Just wanted to share that kitten received Sir's Training collar yesterday (Friday, May 13, 2011).  Sir had me measure quite a few different body parts in order to have some things custom made for His kitten.  He put a lot of thought into the design, color, comfort and usefulness and i could not be happier!  

The picture below is kitten with Sir's Training Collar, and with the collar comes additional responsibilities and rules and i am prepared to learn them, live them and appreciate them with immense pride.  

Sir also got kitten an Eternity Collar, which will be THE ONE that does not come off and will represent O/our life and connection in this world together - a ceremony will be had!    Sir will be placing this one on kitten's neck in person (YEY!!!).  

Also, Sir got kitten a beautiful matching set of "Going Out" Collar and Cuffs in the most beautiful  style and color - He has the best taste :)  kitten can hardly contain herself!

 

kitten can hardly contain herself!

kitten's Funnies (Humor?)

So, i went to the movies yesterday and saw this romantic comedy called Something Borrowed.  By the end of that movie, i was feeling very Dom-sick (missing my Sir like crazy). 


Later that evening, i was talking to Sir and made a special request for Him to wear a shirt for a few hours, spray it with His cologne, seal it in a plastic bag and send it to me, so when i feel lonely for Him, i could open it up and breathe Him in and He said He would. 


This made kitten very happy!  *smiles bright with eyes*


Things sometimes take on a different light after i have had a chance to sleep on it and today, i saw the whole thing in a funny light, so i thought i would share it...


DISCLAIMER:  THIS IS INTENDED SOLELY AS a JOKE and in NO WAY is HOW kitten ACTUALLY FEELS





kitten says: 


Sir, i saw a movie in which there was a guy and and a girl who formed a relationship, fell in love, had a great sex life, planned a future together and lived happily ever after - ALL in a 2 hour time frame (That's how long the movie was anyway), Sir, WHY are you SLACKING?


ANOTHER JOKE:





kitten says:


I used to hate Mammograms, but now they really turn me on.  i asked the technician if they could run the tests a few more times, as i was almost "there"


OK, now everyone knows i have a vile sense of humor - truth be told, even though i live in a Vanilla world, i could not be prouder to be a part of the D/s world and find it hard to not tell everyone how happy i am being a submissive to my Sir!


*shrugs*


Life is good,


kitten for Sir

kitten's journey

i was married in my early 20's and loved, but without passion, desire and lust, as these things never manifested from within me...

The marriage was one where i truly wanted to please his every need and lost myself along the way...

About 13 years later, and after his affair that broke my heart, i decided i would see if my marriage was worth saving.  6 years of contemplating divorce, struggling to be happy with myself, a person of complete mistrust, i decided to leave him, so we separated...

Almost immediately, i started to discover that i had feelings deep within me that wanted to emerge.  Feelings of desire, lust, longing yearning, urges and eventually submission...

i dabbled in some on line cyber chats, which were not as satisfying as i had hoped, as the ones that were interested in me were too young and immature.  i was not about to raise another man.  No!  This time, i wanted someone who was...well...a real man, someone who had a ton of experience, who knew how to treat a woman and who knew how to please...

And in return, i would give Him everything.  Absolutely everything - all that i had to offer: my body, my heart, my total devotion and love - and everything in between...

i am now divorced and in my mid-40's and met Sir in January 2011.  He has been witness to my growth as a woman and as a submissive.  He says he has seen me go from caterpillar to a full fledged butterfly and that's exactly how feel, spreading my wings and flying excitedly towards the unknown.

O/our relationship started and remains long distance due to how W/we met.  With my divorce being so new, that is not a bad thing, as it allows me some time to become who i have always known i was, but never allowed myself to be.

Sir visited His kitten on O/our 2 month anniversary of being together (via skype).  i was anxious to see if all W/we did over skype would really be as fulfilling in person.  The hope i carried in my heart, was that W/we'd be compatible and HOLY CRAP, W/we are (lol).

The blogs i write are based on my submissive journey with Sir, whom i have grown to love with every fiber of my being...

Love does not have to exist within the BDSM realm, but it does for U/us, along with Trust, Honesty and Respect (And Obedience on my part, of course *wink*).  W/we have a beautiful blend of Vanilla and Non-Vanilla and are enjoying every minute of this journey together.
 

Every morning i wake to a new sunrise, which provides a new opportunity to submit myself to Sir, to love Sir, to appreciate O/our world as it unfolds into the journey of a lifetime...

--kitten for Sir

SAFEWORD Clarification!

kitten learned a very valuable lesson the other day.  It was so important that i feel compelled to share it.

Now, the event that took place happened about a week or so ago and i did not write about it because i wanted to sit on it and look at my responsibility and find the silver lining to it first.  i do this because i am a very positive person who believes in the law of Cause and Effect, being raised a Buddhist (a story for another post for sure!).  Next time, i think i will just come right out with it and save myself some self-inflicted heartache (And Sir too).

It's also important for me to share this, so that everyone sees that my submissive journey also has moments that are not always about love and warm fuzzy feelings - Sir and i are human and are discovering things as W/we go along, just like any other relationship (Ups and Downs, Good and Bad, which all equal "Lessons Learned" if you’re lucky)

Here's what happened:

First, let me inform everyone that i am physically unable to produce children.  i have known this since i was a teen when i learned that i was born without a uterus.  Also, i was born very allergic to all animals and a ton of foods, among other things, including strange reactions to the Sun and other natural things in our environment...

HOWEVER, i grew out of all my allergies in my early 30's, and the first thing I wanted to do was to get a puppy!  I got Angelo, then a year later, his playmate, Sofia.

Long story short, i have been loving and taking care of my 2 dogs (Angelo who is 11 years old and Sofia - age 10) like a mother would her children...


Now, i need to interject that my baby boy (dog), Angelo was not feeling well, and had not been feeling well for a couple of days (A couple of years ago, he started shaking violently and after testing found that he had Pancreatitis and other stomach sensitivities, but I changed his diet to one that i make fresh: beef, rice, veggies, corn oil and doggie vitamin power all Vet-approved and he stopped shaking immediately - i was overjoyed!) and started to shake here and there again, which usually means pain of some sort, so it kills me and makes it hard to focus with the stress of it all.

SO...Sir and i were training last week, as W/we do regularly (nearly every night, unless W/we have things W/we need to do to each maintain a balanced life)… 

Anyway, i told Sir that i was sort of distracted due to Angelo not feeling well, but i did not make it undeniably clear that my mental state was not where it needed to be in order to focus on O/our training - this was a HUGE mistake...

Sir suggested that i take Angelo our for a walk to allow him to "release" what may be in his tummy, if you know what i mean *wink*, so i thanked Him for the suggestion - He also asked me to put on my temporary collar and wear it as i walked Angelo (my temporary collar is a ball gag turned around, so you cannot see the ball portion for those that do not know that).   So, i turned away from the computer screen (W/we skype as W/we do not live in the same state for those who are not aware of that), and attempted to console and rub the tummy of my baby boy before i took him for a walk...then i got up, put the leash on my baby and out the door i went.  Angelo did not do much out there, so i returned and was sad that my baby was not feeling well...

When i got back to the computer screen, Sir asked me if my temporary collar (ball gag) was nearby.  i told Him it was in the other room and He asked me to get it, so i did.  He then asked me if i had a pair of scissors handy and i told Him yes and he asked me to grab those as well, so i did.  He then asked me to cut the collar on the side of the ball and i did that without hesitation.  Then, He said, "There, now you won't have the problem of remembering to put that on when i ask you to do so" and kitten's heart began to bleed and my eyes welled up with tears that stained my face and flowed like a river. 

He is my Dom, i am His submissive and that was a punishment for not obeying His command and i respect that.  What He is not, however, is a mind reader.  It is kitten's responsibility to be communicative when it comes to my frame of mind, especially when W/we are not present for O/our training and it is done over skype and difficult to get a sense of that. 

W/we continued to train and my tears continued to flow.  He knew this was harsh, but necessary for my growth on my submissive journey.  It was not easy for Him to have me do this and He told me that he weighed things in His mind before making the decision that He stands by and that i now completely understand and respect.  The next day, O/our schedules did not allow U/us to connect and the events of the previous day still had me so sad and hurt.  The following day, W/we connected, but i did not want to show my sadness, so i hid it from him in order to let time turn it into a "lessons learned" situation, which only allowed some anger and frustration to enter me.  The following morning, i woke up and began to weep hysterically at the thought of cutting of my temporary collar and so, i decided to write Sir an email and express my feelings.

That night, Sir and i talked a lot.  W/we talked about my email and how it showed frustration and anger.  W/we also talked about not waiting to communicate feelings.  W/we also talked about the use of my SAFEWORD...

Being a new submissive, my understanding of using the SAFEWORD was off.  i was under the impression that it was to be used if/when pain became too great to endure and this is not the only time is should be invoked.  He explained that the SAFEWORD was something I should have used and He would have stopped O/our training and things would have gone in a completely different direction.

ATTENTION SUBMISSIVES:  If you need whatever is going on to stop, say the SAFEWORD!  If you find yourself in the wrong state of mind, use the SAFEWORD!  It is there to stop things, not matter what the reason, so do not be afraid to use it.  Yes, you want to take as much as you can to please your Top, if you will, but the SAFEWORD is there to protect you. 

The entire thing finally turned into a "Lessons Learned" moment for me and i am so grateful for that and felt compelled to share this information in case there are others that might not be protecting themselves when it is crucial.

SIDE NOTE:  When Sir visited kitten, one of the first things He did was hand me a pretty little white box and when i opened it, a beautiful dainty butterfly necklace was revealed.  Sir put that necklace on me and made sure i knew that this was the representation of O/our bond as W/we continued O/our relationship long distance, O/our commitment to each other, and my becoming a butterfly after my divorce.  i mention this to convey that the temporary collar being cut, in no way represented O/our connection being disturbed at all.  Also, the Eternity collar he ordered for me has arrived, so i look forward to that being placed on my neck by His hands sometime in the near future (kitten misses Him more than i can ever express in words).

Lastly, i want to say that Sir and i have grown so much as a result of this event and the communication that followed and continues to follow.  My submissive journey and O/our relationship (D/s as well as Vanilla) continues…

i love Him so much for being such a great communicator, for His having the strength and courage to train me, even when it means it will hurt me emotionally.  Being with Him has taught me so much about myself, so i am eternally grateful!

--kitten for Sir