Why am i so perverted???

SirW and i were asked to be guest speakers at the local monthly Mosh, the topic being "LDR'S: How to make them work" which will take place this evening.

In preparation for this, SirW and i have been going back to how things were when We were a LDR.  Reviewing old emails, pics, videos and more reminds me of how luck We truly are to have found each other and how precious Our journey has been...and still is.

From time to time, We have wondered if living Our D/s lifestyle has changed or become secondary since i moved to Canada to live my life with Him.  Sure there are times where life (job, children, etc.) gets in the way of play time, but today it hit home for me...

SirW said something this morning, to which i responded with my usual perverted answer and SirW stated that i was such a pervert.  \my response was, "It's not entirely all my fault!"  He responded with, "Oh Really?"  BUT, Our son came down the stairs and the conversation stopped, but it got me thinking...

Why am i always so perverted?  Why am i always thinking about being spanked, paddled, caned and so much more?  Why do i constantly envision my Master's body and all the things He does to me and me to Him?

I will tell You why...

And i will tell You why it is not entirely my fault too!

And at the same time, the answer to whether Our D/s interaction has changed since i moved here...

It's all because i am living His rules.  This morning, He handed me a copy of His rules as part of the preparation for this evening's event.  As i look at them, i understand how they have become a part of me and why i am the way i am every day.  Let's take a quick look at them again:

ONE: When i walk, sit or stand i will do so with such a great confidence that others around me will admire my performance. Either in public or private.
TWO: i am always in submission to my Dom, either in private or public.
THREE: Pain and pleasure shall be with me always: in my thoughts and fantasies.
FOUR: i will NOT hesitate in my Obedience to my Dom.
FIVE: i will NOT be passive in serving my Dom - i will Aggressively participate in my exchange with Him.
SIX: i will Serve, Worship, Obey, Please and Love my Dom Unconditionally.
SEVEN: i will Worship my Dom's Body from the Crown of His Head to the Soles of His Feet and Everything In between.
EIGHT: i will Always Give Thanks to my Dom for the Orgasms He has given me immediately after receiving them.
NINE: i will Tell my Dom when i Need to be Punished and Why.
TEN: i will Remove all Clothing in the way i have been taught when my Dom commands me to do so-regardless of who may be present and despite where i am - i trust my Dom.

All these rules have been ingrained within my life.  My words, thoughts and actions reflect a person who is made up of these rules.  Of course, there is more to me than these 10 rules now.  In the last 2 1/2 years, We have also established protocols and specifically requested routines that are designed to keep me focused on Our power exchange.

So, i am the way i am because i have not merely understood my rules, i am living my rules, living my vows every day.  

Now, the question of how often We play (top/bottom)...when We have the opportunity - when the kids are not home (Our oldest moved out, so it has become much easier with on child's schedule, who is 17 and working now) or at the club, if the opportunity presents itself.  We could be sitting on the couch watching TV and His hand may find its way to the base of my hair and no matter what We're watching, when He pulls my hair, i melt into a puddle as if We were back to the first time We met face to face in Las Vegas in March 2011.

Sometimes, taking a look back at the past not only allows people to realize how far They have come, but provides a new sense of appreciation of just how lucky We are to be living the life We are living right now.  

i always say, live every moment as though there was no tomorrow.  Say the things You want to say, be the change You want to be.  You are not the same person You were yesterday.  From this moment on, the old You is gone.

Yours, mind body and soul

i want to make slow passionate love with You...when time is not a factor and We can simply fold into each other slowly, like baking a cake from scratch, with care and joy.  Where no one exists but Us...no phones, no Internet, no television, no family or friends ...just Us, as if We were on a deserted island. 

i want Us to be able to stimulate every part of Our bodies, from head to toe and everything in between, taking Our sweet time with no goal in mind and with no end in sight.  i want to exhaust all the energy We have until nothing is left and We are drenched in sweat, hearts pumping hard and minds unfocused on anything but each moment of Our love and lust.

i want to laugh with You and see the lines in Your face and the huge smile You have when We are being silly together.  I want to walk along the shore and breathe fresh salty air and pig out on Our favorite food together.

i want to cry for You...to feel pain administered by You and feel pleasure from the pain.  i want to feel the sting of each blow and tremble with the whispers that You give me with Your hot breath on my neck.  i want to melt with You and float into subspace as though on a cloud. 

i am Yours, mind body and soul and cherish all the memories We have made and am titillated by the thought of all the memories We have yet to create.

Thank You for today and all past days You've shared with me...each sunrise i wake with You is a day i will surrender and though the wind blows and clouds drift across the sky, i will always be Your little butterfly.

Today

Today, 2 Years ago, You claimed me as Your kitten.  A beautiful and meaningful ceremony, united with Our blood, began Our journey as Dominant and submissive.  It had been 6 months since We first met, so aside from being collared and owned, Our love as Man and woman had blossomed into an unexpected lifetime love affair.  No matter how much distance separated Us, nothing stood in the way of Our connection that kept deepening as time passed.  My life has given me a Love i couldn’t even have dreamed of…

Today, 1 year ago, You took me as Your wife.  Almost a year had passed since You collared me when the stars aligned and the path was cleared for me to join You in Canada.  Not much time passed before You proposed to me and soon after, A small but wonderful wedding sealed Us as Husband and wife.  You have taken care of me in every way and together, We have paved a road of abundant happiness.  Our life has given Us a love that has been blessed with all the right ingredients.

Today, I resubmit to You as Your devoted submissive.

Today, I renew my vow to You as Your loving wife.

Today, I thank the stars above for all the good and bad that have taken place in both Our lives that made it possible for Us to find each other. 

Happy Anniversaries, Master!


Your eternal love,


kitten{SirW}

Need-versus-Want

In my early 40’s, I began to look at life differently.  I started to look for quality versus quantity.  I took a good look at the balance of my life and found it to be off-balance.  I merely existed in a doomed marriage, afraid to see what life would be like on the other side, but inevitably I started dreaming of the day I would break free and stop existing and truly live. 

 

Finally, after years of emotional-self-torture, I asked my then-husband for a divorce.  He moved into the 3^rd bedroom of the house I owned, along with his computer, which was in the room my computer was in.  That was the start of my feeling free to find myself again.  I came and went when I wanted, without a word to him or anyone (as did he).  I renewed my Buddhist practice and attended meetings where I participated and was engaged and present, communicated more with my family and friends, went to the movies, ate dinner at my favorite restaurants and started looking for an apartment.

 

I then began to separate everything into two categories: ‘Needs’ versus ‘Wants’ and tried my best to avoid wants and go straight to what I needed.

 

It took some time, but eventually I began to know myself.  Who was i?  What do I like?  What do I want out of life?  I had all but given up on having a long-term relationship and I was perfectly fine with that notion. I had my 2 dogs (Westies: Angelo: 13 & Sofia: 12) and I enjoyed being a ‘me’ after being a ‘we’ for so long (15 years).

 

Not long after all this took place, I met a Man that would change everything…SirW. I have told the story of how We met and how the greatest love story ever written does not compare to Our love, so I need not go into that, but let me say this…When it comes to ‘Need’ versus ‘Want’, He is in both categories.

Oooh, what He does to me

He melts my heart like butter in a hot pan
takes my breath away
moves me
fills me with an intensity that makes me want to scream for joy and sob that it took Us so long to find each other

i fall in love with Him again every day
i am more me with Him

my mouth yearns for His
my heart is His home

When i see Him, it's like the first time, every time

We are harmony that makes me close my eyes, smile softly and dance slow and seductively, knowing it's so good, sooo right