In my early 40’s, I began to look at life differently. I started to look for quality versus quantity. I took a good look at the balance of my life and found it to be off-balance. I merely existed in a doomed marriage, afraid to see what life would be like on the other side, but inevitably I started dreaming of the day I would break free and stop existing and truly live.
Finally, after years of emotional-self-torture, I asked my then-husband for a divorce. He moved into the 3rd bedroom of the house I owned, along with his computer, which was in the room my computer was in. That was the start of my feeling free to find myself again. I came and went when I wanted, without a word to him or anyone (as did he). I renewed my Buddhist practice and attended meetings where I participated and was engaged and present, communicated more with my family and friends, went to the movies, ate dinner at my favorite restaurants and started looking for an apartment.
I then began to separate everything into two categories: ‘Needs’ versus ‘Wants’ and tried my best to avoid wants and go straight to what I needed.
It took some time, but eventually I began to know myself. Who was i? What do I like? What do I want out of life? I had all but given up on having a long-term relationship and I was perfectly fine with that notion. I had my 2 dogs (Westies: Angelo: 13 & Sofia: 12) and I enjoyed being a ‘me’ after being a ‘we’ for so long (15 years).
Not long after all this took place, I met a Man that would change everything…SirW. I have told the story of how We met and how the greatest love story ever written does not compare to Our love, so I need not go into that, but let me say this…When it comes to ‘Need’ versus ‘Want’, He is in both categories.